How did you find out about BDSM?

[rob.wilson]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I kinda of fell into it. A wonderful girl named Jewlie after a high school dance and a silk tie. Just two kids playing around, as I tied up her hands. A few days later a shy smile and she said "tie me up again."

What was its appeal to you?

For me it's the willingness of the sub to give herself over to me. Submission is the ultimate way of saying "I trust you."

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I'm not sure. It always felt natural to me.

[quote]What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? [/auote]

An ex-girlfriend/sub told me once that she learned to trust men again.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I am just an explorer.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

That for a little while I can be somebody I'm not. That I can let the walls of society drop for a little while and "buy a slave" or "beat her because I feel like it."

The fact that she trusts me enough to allow these things to happen.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

I am in an open relationship with someone who is not submissive (in fact she would make a great Domme) but has no interest in the lifestyle.

So I'm looking.

[Pandora's Box]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Well I'm going to have to say the internet as far as open exposure. My father always had "dirty" magazines around when I was a kid and some of them would hint at it now and then. But I don't ever recall running into the full term BDSM before my internet exploration and good ol' AOL.

What was its appeal to you?

I don't know if appeal is the right word. Drawn, sucked into, enrapt... perhaps those are more accurate. There aren't many times in a person's life when they run into something that feels so inherently right for them. Although can one "run into" something that's been felt inside for their whole life? Perhaps, introduce is a better term.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Many and varied. Cruetly vs desire, finding the meaning behind some of the terms. From the outside looking in, the words "power exchange" sound mighty damn scary. In fact it wasn't until just very recently that I've come to understand that term better and appreciate it. Although it still has that funny ring to it for me.

One of the things that surprised me was the level of communication that takes place, just how much is shared. And equally as much, how quickly addicting that level of connection is.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

To learn? That's a tough one. I've learned so much already but know that I've barely begun my journey. I'm just a baby, so to speak. I know one of my biggest things to learn is patience. But that's been lifelong, not just D/s related.

To teach? Well because it was my biggest stumbling block, I would have to say that just because you've discovered the big wide world of BDSM and the name for your secret desires does not mean that the world has suddenly turned upside down. That you can, and indeed should, only do what you are okay with. In my opinion this is especially important in the beginning.

To pass on? Perhaps one of these days, after I have learned even more... it might be nice to be able to contribute some written words of encouragement from my experiences. Perhaps someone will find my meanderings of value to their journey.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Is there an inbetween? I'm a feisty opinionated and educated redhead... that just happens to love to please her man and have kinky sex.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

In short, I like to please. I like to see him happy with me. On the physical side, I am in lust with ropes and nipple clamps.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Well the man I am currently getting to know, he is truly the "loving dominant" type fellow. He knows I am not that experienced and has been very patient with me. And in turn, it has made me want to do more for him.

Also he doesn't take himself too seriously. It's not like he's a joker by any means, but he doesn't stand on all the ceremonies that so many do. He knows that the title doesn't make the man, but the man makes the title. If that makes any sense.

Lastly, he appeals to my romantic nature. He is very sweet with me. Never disrespectful and always considerate. He has shown me his tender side.

[usedHil25]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

my current BF got me into it during a game of truth or dare with me, him & one of my other felame friends.

What was its appeal to you? Well at first, I wasnt. But now, its all about testing my limits & feeling things I have never felt before. Sometimes it may not be a great feeling, but you wont know till you try it.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now? They were all freaks & degenerates. As it turns out. I find its just a physical & mental release that some people (perhaps not all) need to feel life in different ways that everyday life doesnt give.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? Honeslty dont know.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player? In between. Probably never be a lifestyler, but never will go without it I suspect either.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive? OH MAN. the idea of being completely helpless & having no choice but to accept whatever fate deals you. As a Dom, which I ger a chance to do occasionally, I enjoy the ability to "even the score" for some of the things I have had done to me. Nothing I love more than seeing another female helplessly tied up & unable to do anything but look at me with helpless eyes as I use her body & do what I wish to her.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Hmmm. That he got me into it. That he generally cares about me & I know that he would never do something dangerous to me & if he did he would immediately stop if it was too much of a sefety issue. I love the idea that he will let me try things out without him if I ask & assure him I'll be careful. Hes the best (imo) & I cant imagine life without him now.

[Dslave]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle? I found out it was an actual lifestyle (not just something I made up to feel better) when I got my first comp and met other BDSMers and found out there were clubs and other people out there with the same interests.

What was its appeal to you? The appeal, for me, is that I could use it as an outlet to push myself and learn how much the mind, body and spirit could take under the best possible conditions.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now? When I first started with the BDSM thing, I thought I was alone and I thought I was a freak. Now, I know, I am not.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM? Safety and a sense that it isn't all just about sex but a path to empowerment. (Yes, even for submissives and slaves.)

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player? Neither. I consider myself a submissive by nature and a slave by choice. I think that humans are far more complicated than definate one or the other.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive? What I enjoy most about being a submissive is learning from my Master about life in general and my life in specific.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)? I love my Master because everything he does has meaning and purpose and the lessons he teaches me are significant.

[NightDaughter]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Well for myself my first BF introduced me to this lifestyle, some 10 years ago.

What was its appeal to you?
I enjoy the fact that I don't have to hide part of myself from the one I love

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
Before I'd entered the lifestyle I had not heard fo BDSM so I have no preconceved notions

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Well over the years I have learned a great deal about this "lifestyle", I have also helped other sub/slaves to understand their needs and to understand what they are looking for. I hope to be able to help others not make the mastakes I made, but to also enjoy this lifestyle and all that it can offer.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Totally a lifestyle choice

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
This is hard ta answer since for me it is the most natural feeling in the world for me to be of service to the one I love.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I love my Master very much, we are do to get married sometime next year. I can not imagine ever not being with my Master, he is everything that I could want in a Master.

[esclava]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Short version, I seduced my physics tutor in college (or so I thought), gave him a blowjob...he was extraordinarily well-endowed and quite impressed by my "ability and determination." When he realized I was in tears because of his digging fingers into my shoulders and hair, but still managed to cum just from making him cum (though I think his fingers sent me over the edge) he realized I had potential. He was an experienced Dom, and trained me for the next 3 years.

What was its appeal to you?

Pain....and incredible sex...and discovering subspace....and finally feeling comfortable in my own skin.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

None. I had no clue that any of this formally existed. I was a total "innocent." (at least BDSM-wise )

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Haven't much thought about it. Perhaps that there's no ONE way to live this life.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Something in between. We live 24/7 but it's just part of the rest of our lives, not the whole focus.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

It makes me comfortable in my own skin.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

He just "fits" for me. Like the other side of the same coin. In his arms, at his feet, I'm home.

[caligatia]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I was two and a half when I saw the first Star Wars movie. I went home fantasizing about what happened to Leia when Darth Vader used the interrogation droid on her. I'm not kidding, either. The other two films left me with equally kinky fantasies, all before age eight.

What was its appeal to you?

In my fantasies I was always the sadist AND the masochist at the same time. I enjoyed thinking about people in pain, and imagining what it would feel like to receive that pain.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

After I was a teenager, I felt like I had to be one or the other (dom or sub) but couldn't be both. I was wrong.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

That it's okay to want more than one type of relationship, and more than one type of sex. The possibilities are nearly infinite, and I want to encourage others to explore everything that interests them -- even if "everything" includes seemingly contradictory desires.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I'm having a hard time answering this one... BDSM is a major part of my life, and has been for as long as I can remember. But for me it's mostly a sex thing.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

Dominant: I'm not really a domme, I'm more of a sadist. I like tying people up (especially cute girls) and making them sore and tearful and gloriously orgasmic, but I'm not interested in managing their lives outside of bed. I just want to play rough and then go back to being equals once we leave the bedroom.

Submissive: I'm very outgoing and aggressive outside of bed, so it feels wonderful to turn the reins over to someone else and just let go of everything for a while. While I think of myself as being more of a masochist -- I usually need at least a little pain in order to come, whether the sex is otherwise vanilla or not -- I do have a submissive streak that makes me want to please my dominant. I also enjoy the trust and intimacy that submission inspires in me.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

My dom lets me be myself and express all the different facets of my sexuality and my personality. And it doesn't hurt that I'm in love with him...

[PopeRozen]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

>>>A one-night stand turned GF, I threw her on a table the night we met and we went from there

What was its appeal to you?

>>>Release. Freedom. Exhiliration. NO-holds-barred fucking. I was fascinated about the Master's Mentality. What it took envision a person as property.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

>>>Basically I've learned that like most things, the most important thing is to continually revise your conceptions with new information.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

>>>Right now I want to learn better subspace-navigation through pain and pleasure, orgasm-control, rope tech, and rudimentary training tech. I would love to pass on the physical skills, but that's far down the road. What I want most is to develop a greater understanding of the lifestyle mentality, its communication tech, psychology, and the metaphysics of "play."

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

>>>Ha. I used to THINK I was a lifestyler, I just play when I can though.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

>>>Control. The ability to manipulate one's emotions. Being worshipped.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

>>>I like how eager they are to see me. I've never liked chasing tail, and the subs who I'm involved with tell me I'm fairly good at what I do, and they enjoy being topped by me.


I wanna learn as much as I can, play as often as I can, and do it as well as I can. Its responsible and it feels good, baby. Peace

[Kalluss]

Interesting Topic....


How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I knew from a very young age that I found bound women attractive. I loved seeing Daphne in Scooby Doo tied up. I just wish one of the villians would hogtie her. At the same age I watched a couple of japanese live action shows, Johnny Socko and his Flying Robot, and Ultramam, where the japanese heroines were regularly tied up. Always thought that it was soooo cool. Wanted to be one of the villains. I always thought I was a bit odd for liking those images. Later in Jr. High I would sit in class and fantasize for hours about pulling one of my teachers into the basement, tying her up and exploring her body in detail. I tied up two girlfriends in high school. Still thinking I was odd. Then I joined the Navy, while in port, I'd work as a barback at a local dive bar, which had a private party once a month for the owner's friend's.... who were in the local scene. At last I was not alone or a freak. Been learning ever since then. I learned ever so much about it from a very nice korean woman who spanked the bargirls when they misbehaved.


What was its appeal to you?

Not entirely sure, I just know that no woman looks more beautiful that when she's laced tightly in rope.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Always thought I was an oddball for fantasizing about it, that I was broken somehow. I used to think that I could hurt a woman very easily, surprisingly, they're pretty tough when you consider what you can do to them.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

Safety & Respect. I'm very much a YKIOK kind of person, and just because some folks want to be wrapped in saran wrap with peanutbutter and egg yolks... who am I to judge? I have a tremendous amount of respect for subs, both male and female. It takes incredible inner strength to walk to a post and let yourself be attached when you know someone is about to flog the bejesus out of you.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I've never considered it in that way. I took a zen approach to life a while back and only consider it a part of who I am. I used to play more often, but with my wife's sickness our activities have curtailed immensely over the last two years.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

It's hard to put into words. When I'm in my Dom headspace, the world is just different. I'm not a meglo-maniac, but when I'm there, I KNOW the world is mine, it shudders where I walk, and it trembles at my voice. I feel the power, and know then why some folks refer to it as Sex-Magik.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

There have a been a few over the years.

One that I think of often is Sessy. She was a true pain-slut, and the look in her eyes when she was exhausted from a whipping or caning, then hearing her wavering voice ask for more.... memories give me a pleasant shudder to this day.

My wife is my dorei now. Which means rope slave. I treasure the playful way she'll goad me, or the teasing we share before a night of play. I love that I can speak twelve words in her ear and know that she'll be soaked in moments. I have the image of her looking over her shoulder at me the first time I truly spanked her engraved in my memory. There's a look in the movie "THe Secretary" when the spader spanks gyllenhall the first time. It pales by comparison, because I know that, that look is for me and me alone, and I get to see it often.

[kate9]

Yum to "Secretary"....

[iammarygirl]

Interesting topic so I thought I'd "jump in"

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

This is a kind of 2 part question for me. I didnt really know what BDSM was until discovering it on the internet around 19. Typical "reading stories" etc. type of stuff. My "first" real exp. was my college roommate when I decided to "push" the envelope when she lost a bet and had to "be my slave" for 1 weekend. Considering that we frequently made this bet and cleaning/cooking etc. was the general extent of it, you can imagine her shock when I layed out an outfit for her to wear to the pub that night - we went from there and ultimately she served me for 3 years.

My true "1st experience" though in looking back was at a slumber party at 14. My friend's mom had made her invite a "not cool" girl to the party. Being shallow teens we kind of ganged up on her and made her feel pretty geeky playing T or D and stuff. We got a bit of a "mob mentality" going and ended up "forcing" her to do all sorts of humiliating things. To give you an idea we had her wearing my friend's sisters bikini and doing jumping jacks - the biking was for an 8 year old girl and you can imagine the blushing on a developing, slightly overweight 14 year old girl doing jumping jacks. By the end of the night though my 2 friends were quietly uncomfortable but I kept pushing on including having her ask me to spank her (and happily obliging) for some "transgression". I found the power intoxicating! (I still masterbate to memories of that night now - although I have learned to "harness my power" a bit).

What was its appeal to you?

Absolutely the control.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Well, when I first started reading more I thought that it was purely physical. I have since realised that the mental aspect of the control is at least as big (or bigger) part of my attraction.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Much to my chagrin I am occasional now. I own a small business and have to be VERY discreet - makes it hard to find an appropriate partner. Since my college roomie and I went our seperate ways (5 years ago) I have dabbled but not much in the way of "full time"

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

THe intoxicating power of knowing that my sub will do ANYTHING I desire for the simple reason that they are told to.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Dont have one currently but...what I liked is that Lisa wasn't a "mindless" sub. She could converse, express opinions etc but always knew where the "line" was. I dont want a zombie - I want a submissive girl.

[vistana]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

Looking back, I remember that as a fairly young kid I would tell myself stories while in bed about being kidnapped, and doing what I now realize was masturbating.
I've been aware of the term BDSM for a while, but only really realized that I did like that stuff when I started reading fanfiction online. i always prefered the romances, then I moved onto PWP, then into kinkier & kinkier stories. Ran out of fanfiction, started looking for original work, then started reading non-fiction information. Which led me here.
I've never been in a chat room, and my worst encounters with the creeps of online BDSM has been badly writen stories.

Around the same time, I started exploring a little bit with my boyfriend, but I always wanted to take things farther than he did, and it didn't work very well.

Unlike many people here, I never really felt like I was the only one, because I got all my early material from fanfiction, and the writers and reviewers aren't shy about saying how much such and such a scene turns them on. Every step of my exploration I've known that I wasn't alone.

What was it's appeal to you?

The freedom. Choice and decision making are removed, you don't lose all responsibility, but you lose the need to think much.
The one time that my (ex)boyfriend really took a strongly dominant role, after it ended I was in a state of euphoria. I was grinning and felt like I was floating. He kept asking if I was ok, because I was just lying there smiling.
I want to feel that freedom, and that phenomenal afterglow again.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

Even though I knew there were other people out there who felt the same, it still felt wrong. In most aspects of my life I'm a strong person, I don't let people push me around, or cater to me, so submitting to another person seemed wrong. I knew it happened, but it still seemed kind of sick. And I didn't think that a BDSM forum would have such friendly open discussion.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

Barely even an occasional player. I have very little actual experience, and I don't think I'm quite ready to go out and seek it yet, it was easier when I was already in a very comfortable relationship.
So an occasional player wannabe. As a lifestyle...I've got a long ways to go before I could even really consider that.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

There is still a lot I want to learn, since I really don't know much. I've been reading a lot, but there's only so much you can learn from books and forums. I need to learn to remember that, and not wait forever for some real life (or even real online) experience.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

As I said earlier, the freedom that comes with the loss of control. I want to be challenged, and pushed to my limits, but not making the decisions allows me to just lose my inhibitions and just enjoy without worrying.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

None right now, or ever, really.

[Sunshine]

One absolutely dirty conversation in Sitges, near Barcelona in Spain.

[punksub]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

i enjoyed feeling pain as far back as i can remember. i only found out what this was called when i was about 13 or 14 by means of the internet.

What was its appeal to you?

BDSM in general has served to be very therapuetic for me. It has helped me come to terms with a lot of stuff that happened to me when i was young, but i don't want to start that novel.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

i didn't think there was any love between Domme/Dom and sub. this was a long time ago though. i now see the BDSM lifestyle to involve more love then most vanilla relationships i have seen. And i certainly feel more loved or wanted in my current relationship which is a 24/7 then i have in any of my previous vanilla relationships.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

i would like it to be known that BDSM is a very good form of therapy. It may cause unwanted flashbacks, but with a loving Mistress or Master, coping with what happened to you when you were young is a lot easier.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

i am a sub 24/7 so yeah i am a "lifestyler" there are actually very few times when my Mistress likes us to be equal.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?

i love the feeling of worth and being wanted as a submissive. Being treated as a prized possesion. i love pleasing my Mistress and just seeing her smile when i have done so.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

There really is nothing i do not like about my Mistress.

[csr]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
I think my first exposure to BDSM was Mr. T's website --seeing tied-up women. I knew I liked it--but wasn't sure why. Then I bought handcuffs from a head shop in T.O. Tried them on my wife during sex, she tried them on me during sex, Couldn't really get her excited about sex anyway, so not much success. Next gf was more experimental. We experimented; I figured out what I liked. Finally I met someone who is compatible with me on other levels--and interested in domination/punishment. We had started playing full-time before I realized that there is a "lifestyle" and that there were other people out there to connect with. It makes it more fun. Some people know about the lifestyle before they ever get the nerve and/or opportunity to try it; some people are doing it first, then realize that it has a whole culture around it. The internet is good for that.

What was its appeal to you?
Feels good?

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
For a long time I considered play to revolve around eventual orgam. I now realize that the process of bondage and discipline can be erotic release in itself--as obvious at a play party. I have developed that love for pain-for-pain's-sake.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
I want the vanilla straight world to understand that sexual preference comes in as many flavours as Baskin Robbins ice cream. People are starting to understand that some women prefer women, some men prefer men... Well some men prefer to dominate, some women prefer submission, and some men like pain, and some women like to give it. It's all good. YKINMK.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Not 24/7... For reasons of parenthood, and career. But I consider myself a committed lifestyler.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Surrendering control. And did I mention I'm a pain slut?

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
She is creative. I cannot remember two scenes that were the same ever--even a quick bedroom playtime is a work of art. She puts out amazing amounts of effort into play--and doesn't even realize that I would be satisfied with less. Most of my fantasies revolve around things she's already done.

[Eclipsed]

I already answered this question rather simply in slut4u's post, but then I found this thread and i thought, what a great way to introduce myself!!

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
I was doing a very innocent search through my parents' drawers looking for photos... and before you ask, I knew there were photos there before I started looking. They showed them to be before. How was I supposed to know there was more stuff?! Anyway, I found this book with a line drawing of a medieval tavern wench in chains and "S & M: short stories" on the cover. I love to read and thought "COOL!! NEW BOOK!!" I read the first chapter and realized that my urges had a name. Well, I got curious, got on the internet (a wonderful, wonderful tool by the way) and did search through google. Oh the relief!! There were others out there like me, there were pictures and stories. While I admit that I am slight insane and crazy, I was relieved that I wasn't the only one.
What was its appeal to you?
I dunno. I think I've always been a masochist with violent tendencies as well as a control freak. I loved the idea of being tied up and having no control over those situations as well as being dominated.
What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
I never really had any. I didn't know it existed until I read that book and then I started to learn through the net. I'm still a baby at all this. I've never had a Master or Mistress.
What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Learn? Everything. I have this insatiable thirst for knowledge as well as a photographic imagination. I want to know everything and eventually do almost everything. And, I hope to learn more about myself. Teach? Dunno, don't have anything to impart just yet. Pass on to others? Well, don't suppress it or deny it, doesn't matter what "it" is. It only gets worse with time and then you start going a little nuts...
Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
I think I'm a lifestyler. I fantasize about having a permanent master and well, if this was just a "stage" then I think I would have grown out of it a long time ago. But then again, I don't have much experience to go on.
What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Oooo.... submissive, I love the lack of control and there something about being tied up. I don't really know what it is. Also, I'm a people pleaser. I'm happiest when I have someone that needs to be pleased and I have the ability to make that happen.
What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I don't have anyone and it's frustrating. Not just that but I'm not a social person, I'm not outgoing. I don't know how to meet them and as much as my friends "accept" this part of me, they still tease me too much for it to seem like they're comfortable with it. They still make me feel abnormal and freakish and slightly ashamed. I'm too embarrassed broach the subject.

[Valerio]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Actually, it was more like, I found out what it was called. i had always experimented with mild pain and bondage. It was actually when I was about 8 years old. I don't remember the circumstances, but I found a book entitled "Sweet Gwendoline" and oh boy! It was full of pictures, and wonderful female forms and what's this? Woman tied up and whipped/tortured! It was relatively mild (and so am I to this day) but I thought it was awesome. Best thing was that later, after my father died when I was approx. 24, my mom gave me that very copy. I will always keep it.

What was its appeal to you?
I really am not sure. I guess the sex and a little bit the power. But mostly the shape of the female body. The helplessness that I have the power to cause, but just like the pain I cause, it is so very pleasing to make it go away and sort of "rescue" her.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
I had no misconceptions except I didn't realize how bad some stuff actually hurt and how high a pain tolerance some people have. One time Aletta and I were in a club and watched a girl get spanked silly. It was strange to imagine how much that actually hurt and it really put it in perspective for me.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Huh? It is for my enjoyment and the enjoyment of my partner...I think that is all.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
Definitely an occasional player. I like to look at photos more than I would like to actually participate. I could be a pretty intense voyeur, but only an occasional participant.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Dominant...see question #2. That explains it all.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
So much, I can even begin. She is just amazing. Maybe more later if I like this forum, maybe not.

[Aletta]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Like Valerio, I finally found out what it was called, but had been doing it before that. I recall, as a fairly young child, maybe a 4th grader or so, perusing my grandfather's stash of Variations and Playboys. I would masturbate to the stories and the photos and always wished I could have pictures of men, too. Alas, my grandmother didn't have a complementary stash. By 7 or 8th grade, (what's that? 12-13 years?) I found myself using my belts to constrict my waist, chest and hips and tying myself to the bedposts and masturbating. I was not surprised, but very interested when I learned that there was a name for it and that others enjoyed it even more than I.

What was its appeal to you?
I like the feeling of being controlled and being in a position where I am not my own person. I am the type that needs to feel utter trust with the other person and I have that in Valerio. We suit each other quite well and I am not sure if BDSM would appeal to me in another relationship. On the other hand, maybe I would get into deeper if his desire was stronger.....I'm pretty laid back and would go along with it, at least for a trial. Its appeal is definitely in getting and giving love and in the exhange of power that is different from our nonsexual lives.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I had no misconceptions except I didn't realize how bad some stuff actually hurt and how high a pain tolerance some people have. One time Aletta and I were in a club and watched a girl get spanked silly. It was strange to imagine how much that actually hurt and it really put it in perspective for me.

That is exactly what I would have said....so a quote will do. I didn't realize others enjoyed so much more pain than do I.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
I like sharing my thoughts on BDSM with others in very select situations. I would hope that I could convey that 'normal' people participate, that it's perfectly okay to enjoy it and that it's not like what people hear about on television...at least not always.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
My overall personality is pretty submissive in my whole life...but sexually, we get into play only at times. I am, in all aspects of our sex life, pretty submissive though and nearly all of trysts include some mild form of him holding my hands down or playing that I don't want to have sex, for example. On the other hand, I have fits of wanting to control him, as well. That's rare and gentle, though.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
Submissive....I really enjoy being controlled and being told what to do. It's nice to make no decisions and just enjoy life with no responsibilities.

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I love the look he gets in his eyes when he is mean to me...the sheer enjoyment I can see in him and the way I still see the love. I love how considerate he is, despite the pain. I can't even explain it all....we're just a perfect fit.

[Misato36]

I was introduced to the bdsm world when I was fifteen by a class mate. I didn't start participating in bdsm activities until I was seventeen. I had started hanging out with a group of friends who were interested in the field. They held parties hoping to hook up subs and masters. I hooked up with a guy and we had sex in the bathroom. It is mentioned in some of my other posts. Anyway the guy was very much into bdsm. He fucked me in the bathroom and took me to his house and that is how the relationship started. It might not sound healthy but I did learn a lot of things.

[Timberwolf]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

In terms of an exposure that told me anything concrete, online stories from a site I guess I probably shouldn't name here.

What was its appeal to you?
At first, none to be honest. It didn't hook me right away. FemDom seemed "scary" (I ran into too much masochism and sadism for my tastes even now), and I wasn't confident enough in myself yet to connect with MaleDom characters.

I didn't really get into it until I started chatting with a specific Domme, who I was also becoming fast friends with. I still chat to her when I can, and she's helped me explore at least the submissive side of me a great deal.


What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
Let's see: everyone wears leather all the time, whips the hell out of each other, and all sorts of other silly ideas. I've honestly forgotten a lot of it by now, thankfully. The one other big one I had at the time was that ANYONE and EVERYONE in the BDSM or D/s scene was either a sadist or a masochist, which is obviously not the case. Once I discovered there was a lot more of a power exchange only side to things if you wanted it to be that way, I began finding my comfort zones.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
What I want to learn: hard question. As much as I can. Tech or pass on: just hopefully finding others to enjoy the process of learning and experience with, and if I could encourage a newbie or two along the way that just being yourself is the best thing you can ever learn to do, so be it.


Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?
An occasional player looking to become much more.

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive?
As a switch I get to answer twice.
Dominant: I enjoy the mental challenge associated with it to be honest. I find being a sub (for the right person anyway) easier, but I also am learning to take control, and there's a lot of responsibility that comes with trying to be a good Dom. It's a challenging role, but I enjoy the challenge.

Sub: I've always loved pleasing a partner. It's probably what opened the door to me experimenting with submission to begin with. And also, in both a D or s role, enjoy power exchange a lot, and giving over power to the right someone else... I love it. It holds a certain intoxication to it.

(Slightly edited to expand my answer on misconceptions I used to have.)

[YourThrone]

Great thread Topic!


I discovered BDSM like everyone else on the internet, And went to my first Adult sex shop where I purchased a few BDSM magazines and an Submissive male was born shortly after.


The appeal was power exchange between you and your partner, giving freely of myself by submitting (I knew my path in life) I was at peace with myself.


I really had no misconception at all. I've studied BDSM, learned all I could, enhanced my pain threshold. It was amazing, Let me tell a quick story of true actual event on this cold brisk day on my way to work. I decided to stop by an convience store and within 5 minutes of being in the store, This Woman entered the store wearing all leather and carrying a whip in her hand, Our eyes met and I automatically dropped to my knees.I knew my destiny in life.

I'd like to educate people on BDSM, Pass on to people the feeling of true power exchange between both partners and how wonderful it is.


I consider myself a "lifestyler" player.


I enjoy being submissive, just everything it entails.The power exchange of knowing I'm serving my partner, making her happy.

I don't have an Dominant female yet. Hoping things will be changing very soon. I'm in the process now.

[Nicelips692]

How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?
Ah childhood play, 'who'sgoing to be the one to be tied up and held captive' Little Nicelips was always the first to volunteer!

What was its appeal to you?
For me, it has to be the totaly defenceless position I'm in. I'm no longer a person of free will but an object that belongs to my Master and his to use as he wishes.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?
The age range, I thought that the majority would be in a Mid 30 range. How very wrong I was.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?
Learn: How far I can extend my pain threashold, I want to learn how to make the expierence last longer.
Teach: I'm in no position to teach anyone in this field.
Pass on: Ditto above, but in life, I'd like to pass on tolerance to all.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player? Unfortunately, I'm a slave with no Master, so I guess I must class myself as an occasional player with ambitions to be a lifestyler! (this is not an advertisment!)

What do you enjoy about being dominant/submissive? Submissive....I really enjoy being controlled and being told what to do. It's nice to make no decisions and just enjoy life with no responsibilities.
Well said Aletta, that is it in a nut shell!

What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?
I always find this a catch 22 situation, I got such a high out of his pleasure and he got such pleasure out of my high.