Honestly, I'm not sure. I do know that, perhaps as part of my upbringing, no matter how sadistic I may be, if I see her in pain, it rends me in ways I never thought possible. I mean, keep in mind, I am only nineteen, but... I don't know. I'm not that wise yet.

And also, she's into the idea of it, but in a different way than I am. Although we have verbally discussed this, I'm still not entirely sure how it is that she enjoys this kind of relationship. (I am only a man, after all! lol) That's why I instituted the idea of journalling that I employ: After each of our collar nights, she writes a small entry about the things she liked about the session. That way, I may be able to put in more of what she likes.

One last thing... The "collar on, collar off" thing stems from the fact that we have differing views about the lifestyle. She likes aspects of it, but not necessarily the aspects that I like. I also know that, in a vanilla sense, we both enjoy just cuddling and making out. If that makes me excited, I will tell her to put the collar on. Then, she has a chance to "persuade" me that it is a bad idea that night. That way, I can build the foundation to a Dom/sub relationship without sacrificing the only girl that has ever meant more to me than my life. Plus, if I find out that I'm not really as much in BDSM as I may think, it's an easy out. So, in all ways, I'm relatively covered.