thats ok getting him jailed,but then my bdsm life will become public and i will lose my mum,hubby,job everything,so its not just about jailing him,i will be sentenced by all as well then i will have to start a new life somewhere else which i will find hard
You will gain your dignity and freedom. And you may not lose as much as you think. Your family may surprise you. As denuseri said, if your family leaves you over this then they aren't good enough of a family anyway, and then you will be free to start a new life, full of people who can accept you for who you are.

So far as your job, who cares? You can get a new job. Of course starting a new life somewhere else is hard. I know. I did it. It was a long road. But I look at the life I have now, and the life I left behind, and it was worth it. I've never been happier. You can improve your situation. Take courage and do it.