I dont think i would ever be the same. I just dont know. I have always had a pretty good reaction to death, but i am not sure if i would have the direction to continue, or if my heart would just stop. Damn. i dont think i have ever felt like this. My grandma was the closest person to me. and i nursed her till her death of liver cancer. I feel that close to lisa. I hope i die first, so i dont have to deal with it at all. selfish, i know, but honest.