On Collars

[^BlackSoul^]

I have debated whether I should be writing anything on the collar and its significance in the D/s community, but due to some new attitudes I felt that I should voice My opinion on this issue as there seems to be a new class of D/s practitioners who view the collar as something with less significance than in the past.

When I first started out a little over 10 Years ago, the word Collar made slaves/subs salivate and the Dominants straighten up a little more. A Collar was a sign of achievement of something very special on B/both parts. It was
in essential the equivalent of a Wedding Ring. You didn't just give it to the first person coming along, but it was something that was given after a long and arduous time of courtship, getting to know and the eventual training. To receive the collar of a Dominant was something a sub/slave would dream about in his or her bed or the floor by the bed of that specific Dominant.
No mountain would have been too high to contemplate nor any Ocean too far to cross to achieve this coveted sign of ownership. Sadly however, those times are long gone. As Collars are more and more made with Velcro Snaps, and are more often then not a "cute" or "kinky" fashion accessory.

So what exactly is the collar and what is it made of? What does it generally look like and what purpose does it have?


The collar traditionally is usually made of leather or metal with o-rings attached to it in order to attach a leash to it or use it to secure a submissive.

Collars can be lockable by means of a lock or some other device that is part of the collar itself. Normally lockable collars are worn by people that have been claimed in a longer term relationship. Collars can also be made of rope or chain. Collars that help improve a submissive partner's posture, called posture collars, also exist and are used frequently.

The significance of the collar can be seen as the type of collar used changes in a D/s relationship. There are three types of collars that a submissive will wear in most traditional relationships.

The collar of consideration indicates that a submissive is being considered for training by a new Dominant. This is like the ring given to women in the 50's and 60's to indicate that they were dating someone specific.

The second type of collar is the training collar. This collar is like an engagement ring if you want to draw an analogy and means that a submissive and Dominant have moved on to a training contract and are probably
moving onwards to being a long term couple.

The Ownership collar is the one placed around the submissive's neck when the Dominant claims that submissive. If it is a long term relationship akin to a marriage this collar would normally be lockable and will be made from some really durable material or metal that looks like jewelry.

There are play collars as well. This collar is placed around the neck of the submissive when the Dominant wants to play and protects the submissive during a scene.


Then there are Protection collars.
This is a collar worn by a new submissive at public events to denote that s/he is under the protection of a Dominant so s/he can comfortably enjoy the event and socialize without being continuously "hit on". Often a Dominant will take a new submissive who is unsure of him/herself under His/Her wing and keep an eye on him/her. The collar is a sign to other Dominants that s/he is under the care of another and that any approaches or negotiations should be made through Her/Him.
There is no relationship otherwise implied, the Dominant is NOT the submissive's Master or Mistress and the protection collar is returned to the Dominant at the end of the event.



Lastly, there are Velcro Collars
Most of us who are in some version of the real time D/s call it that because of the easy on and easy off attitude. What such a person seldom seems to realize however, is that those with Velcro Collars are seldom respected in the D/s Lifestyle Community.
A Mistress or Master today, collared to so and so tomorrow and the next day to someone else and returns to being collared by another a week later and then suddenly resumes Dominance all the while wearing various collars from various people, is sadly one of the causes of ridicule for us.


In the end, this world of ours has become a sad place indeed, when slaves don't wear their collars out of false respect to the vanilla community and the young of the vanilla community wear the Collars for fashion Accessories. Perhaps, it is time to step out of the Shadows and educate those that need educating and bring a bit of honor back to O/our Honorable Lifestyle.

[Lisais mine]

I dont speak for anyone but myself, but I have to agree that a collar is a very special thing. lisa has worn 3, and we use her training collar still when we play hard, cause i wouldnt want to kink (pun intended) her wyred slave collar, even though it is more than strong enough to restrain her.

I dont think that I even had this mental process about the style, materials and such- i made the first 2, then for our 1 year anniversary I bought her the metal one. now when we get officially married, i will have 2 more wyred slave collars made, one with an o ring, and one with a diamond set on the front- instead of a ring.

[fetishdj]

It is unfortunate that commitment is a dirty word in the modern day. I think BDSM relationships are simply mirroring the trends in society in general - where even 'til death do us part' is now a temporary thing.

In some ways this is a good thing - old fashioned ideas of marriage and committment can be stifling and sometimes dangerous, especially to women who feel trapped in a loveless marriage. The ability to have a divorce frees many women from domestic abuse and other problems. The same could be applied to a Dom/sub relationship. However, on the other side of the coin, there is the issue of the perception that these 'lifelong' committments are cheapened by the ease of seperation. There may be a compromise, however, the trick being to balance the ease of seperation with the committment behind the original agreement. Not an easy feat, however.

However, one thing I would say is that it should not matter to an individual what society or the lifestyle says about a relationship. What matters is what the people in that relationship say about it. If a collar to you is a wedding ring that must be earned, then make it so. What others choose to do with thier collars is their business and may well be thier loss. Eventually, however, even the most fickle serial monogamist (or even serial polygamist) may find themselves drawn to the need for stability in a relationship.

[cadence]

I've never been a big fan of collars, and I didn't feel a need to solidify a relationship by justifying it in that way.

I have changed my mind though, and I do like our own unique version of the collar

We are poly and do have primary relationships as well. So while I am owned I am always secondary in the relationship.
He wanted something to show ownership, and at first wanted a locking collar to which he had the only key to.
That didn't work for me, and we ended up agreeing on a hood peircing and hanging an ownership tag from that.

I'm pretty happy with it as of now, and it does feel pretty special to me.

[Dejah Thoris]

What matters is what the people in that relationship say about it. If a collar to you is a wedding ring that must be earned, then make it so. What others choose to do with their collars is their business and may well be their loss.

I do try very, very hard to keep that exact thought in mind. We are all of us individuals exploring our own desires. That physical, outward declaration of my devotion and commitment to another person is something I have personally decided to hold in high regard. I expect it will be quite a long time before I am collared. There are so many people here who have 'non-traditional' versions, but every one of them cherished beyond words. Whatever form mine takes, it will be my most prized possession.

Thank you for describing yours, Cadence, I've not heard of that before, and it sounds so lovely!