"In order to properly break the rules, you have to know the rules."

I've heard this before and I agree with it. First, the Consensual of SSC is required, by law, nearly everywhere. Of course we all dance on that line quite a bit and that is why it is such an important issue to define it well. Safe word? Never had one with my current sub- but the fact that they exist is important for 1) newbie doms who really can't read a sub too well and need it or newbie subs who are afraid and that helps them feel better 2) vanillas, whom in most cases really don't understand or accept what we do and things like "rules" help smooth the bumps a little. To try to explain how on earth a person screaming "No, stop" at the top of their lungs is consenting, we have at least safe words (though that won't get you anywhere if police get involved).

But imagine a day or two after a harsh session and you break up, and now suddenly there's your sub with the police claiming s/he was abused by you. There are rules, they were broken.

The point is that most of us believe it is fine to break the rules- so long as you are aware of the risk(s) involved in that, and as prepared as possible for unwanted outcomes. That is why we speak so often of "the rules", not so much in that they must be followed in every single case, but so that we have a common place to start from.

It's one thing to hurt somebody on purpose in a way they've agreed to; it's quite another to hurt them by accident in a way you didn't mean. And there have been those who died from "accidents". None of us wants that. That is, of course, the ultimate thing we try to prevent.

I think our biggest concern is newbies. They may do things that are dangerous without knowing it, not realize the risk, and not be prepared for what may happen or how to prevent it. Want to suffocate your sub until they pass out, and this is okay with them? Fine. But know CPR before you do it. Want to do suspension bondage? Fine, but know how to get them down without causing nerve damage.

Nobody wants to become permanently damaged, and I think that is what most of us mean by "safe". We make our choices carefully, with proper information and research and are aware of the risks of what we choose, so we are "sane." We are not criminal rapists, taking what is not given to us, and that is what we mean by "consensual".