Dear kumoriko
Sorry to hear your first time kinking it out all bdsmy like was a bust.
Please do keep in mind:
It is more likely that "he" just wasn't dominant enough for the job where as you are conserned.
Submissive's or Slaves for that matter make just as good a mentor as any dominant when it comes to learning bdsmy things.
Whats "proper" is going to change with different peoples opinions. But that in no way shape or form doesnt mean one can't learn from some one other than their dominant. Knowledge takes many forms, the idea is not to have your cup full.
A good friend of mine online uses the following passage from "Savages of Gor" as her signiture and I find it to be very sage advice when it comes to the whole idea of mentorships and learning in the arts of submission and I hope you will too.
"Do you know, ultimately," I asked, "who will prove to be your one best trainer?" "No, Master," she said. "You, yourself," I said, "the girl, herself, eager to please, imaginative and intelligent, monitoring her own performances and feelings, striving lovingly to improve and refine them. You yourself will be largely responsible for making yourself the superb slave you will become."
Allways feel free to ask for assistance.
Be strong and honorable as you walk your path my sister.
Respectfully
denuseri