Maybe something you need to figure out with your husband is the difference between discipline and punishment and the times that require each.

I've seen punishment and discipline used interchangeably but, at least to me, they are different concepts. For me discipline doesn't involve pain and violence where punishment may involve either. I think one of the most telling signs of the differences between the two comes from Dictionary.com. The website has a synonyms column when it gives you the definition of a word. For discipline the synonyms include: orderliness, limitation, strictness, control. For punishment the synonyms are: maltreatment, retribution, pain, suffering. So, while the definitions may seem similar, the synonyms show two very different concepts.

Maybe you need to decide on the meanings of these things where they come in with you and your husband then decide which you mean to bring into your Play.

Another idea might be to make a list of the infractions that most often occur and, for each infraction, list a variety of 'acceptable' punishments or disciplines. Discuss the list with your husband and show him what type of actions you would prefer (of course be ready to compromise to find the right set of reactions for each infraction). Not only could this lead to less violence when it seems unwarranted but by being creative with the list, you may find new things you enjoy even more than your usual actions.