How did you find out about the BDSM lifestyle?

I have been excited by bondage and discipline since I was a teen. At that time I figured since I wanted to tie women up and administer spanking that I was screwed up mentally. I lived in the country and had little sexual contact with women. I had found an old porn magazine and one of the pictures showed a women having her bra ripped off. I thought that was stimulating.

The great revelation that I wasn't alone came when I bought a book titled "The Joy of Sex" modeled after "The Joy of Cooking". One chapter was devoted to bondage and it touched lightly on pain as a stimulant.

What was its appeal to you?

I found that the gift of trust and submission was much deeper and more filled with emotion than a vanilla relationship.

What misconceptions did you have of BDSM before you began that have been changed now?

I thought that there was something wrong with me. I tried tieing up girlfriends and found it to be very exciting but believed they were only going along with it to please me.
One night as I was playing with my trussed up girlfriend she said "Hurt me". I was pretty shocked. I had heard rumors about girls who liked to be hurt but this was my first real life encounter. I wasn't too sure what to do so I slapped her ass. I liked the girl and it seemed that administering a spanking was not something you would do to someone you cared about. Over a period of a year I tried hurting her a bit but still didn't really accept my feelings.

What do you hope to learn/teach/pass on to others about BDSM?

I am a sharing person so when a friend told me he and his girlfriend were trying bondage and didn't know what to do. I loaned him my "bag of tricks". A gym big with leather cuffs, braided nylon ropes. I had ran all of them except the leather cuffs through my washing machine to make sure they were clean. I told him to keep them if he wished since it is my conviction that these items are too personal to share. He didn't mind but I think that these toys should not be used on more than one partner. I start fresh if I change lovers.

If I could pass on the knowledge that whatever you wish to do should be talked over first and then accepted as a normal part of lovemaking. It's alright to have these feelings.

Do you consider yourself a "lifestyler" or just an occasional player?

I would say "occasional player." I don't want to be responsible for another person all the time. I don't want to pick out her clothes for everyday use or choose the entertainment every time. I prefer someone who is capable of telling me their wants and desires and opinions.


What do you like about your dominant/submissive(s), if you have one (them)?

Sadly I broke up with my long time companion. I haven't found anyone that I like yet. The ones I like don't like me or the ones who like me I don't like. Did I just end a sentence with a preposition?