Originally posted by Faibhar
In terms of the fear factor that's why trust must first be developed. This trusting between partners frequently leads to an intimate endearment, or bond. When all of this happens to the better, it does tend to reduce the fear of whatever comes next.

The above is such a standout statement to me, in that it can be applied to all relationships. That being said, I don't think that BDSM relationships essentially differ from the everyday 'conventional' or 'vanilla' relationships, because at the end of the day it's a relationship. The only nuances between the conventional relationship and BDSM relationship perhaps relates to the differing activity or intensity of the activity within the relationship. Although many relationships that are seen in everyday life might not reflect the 'BDSM' flavour, there is an element of it no matter how small, however there is a difference when the relationship is one between people that don't have low self esteem.
Even in conventional non 'bdsm 'relationships, low self esteem can be dysfunctional. These relationship might not essentially involve power exhanges of a more intense level, but they still involve some form of power exchange in a subtle form, and those with low self esteem somehow have difficulty making sense of the relationship.
It might be 'why does he/she do this and that and doesn't tell me?'.. 'why didn't they call'.. etc etc. A small example, but overall when people dwell on such things and take them personally, it can reflect low self esteem. On reading this thread I thought about the low self esteem factor and how fragile this can be for a person, because at some point in our lives we can experience a phase where we have low self esteem, be it after a relationship breakup, being overlooked for a work promotion or a comment made to us etc etc. If we are within relationships that are healthy during these times, then all the above becomes workable or resolvable, however being in this state and then pursuing or allowing a person into one's life 'might' pose problems at a later stage.

Although it is 'ideal' to work through personal issues prior to entering relationships, the reality is that we don't know when that person might cross our path, and as per usual that's how it happens, we enter 'a' relationship that might progress even though there are some issues on the backburner.

So going back to the above quote, trust is essential, the formation of trust within the relationship is important.

I was fortunate to find a lover who taught me first how to appreciate myself before submiting.

But the question that still remains for me is whether or not those that have suffered traumatic experiences in the past (at the hands of people they've 'trusted' or loved etc) can not only trust, but be fully comfortable with their personal choices knowing they have made a choice based on knowing themselves as people and not making choices out of 'need' of some kind, which might implode at a later date, for not many are fortunate to meet people that can take personal trauma's etc in their stride.