Work in progress

[agog ab]

This is just something i wrote to try to clarify what i thought submission has come to mean to me. Maybe some others can share their thoughts also?




I want to be consumed, taken, controlled and not given the choice about how it is accomplished.
I want You to understand that I made my last free choice when I begged to be Yours, cried and pleaded for You to keep and Love me in a way that only You can.
I want Your respect and understanding that I am still learning what I need, so at times I may be frightened and try to hide myself away instinctively. Hold me fast and do not let me. Even during these times, I remember I wanted this.
I want to lose myself in You and what we are to each other.
I want You to leave Your marks on my body, my heart and my soul, rending me open to get what You need from me, to find out what You want to know, to expose me and all the parts of me that I have hidden from everyone else. Bring to light all the things that I refused to show anyone else, and then keep tearing me apart to show me the things I wouldn't even admit to myself.
I want to give everything I am to You, however You need me to.
but
I will push and test and provoke You. I need to see that You are my match and strong enough to control me. I will not submit to weakness.
I need You to give as much as I do, if I feel You aren't giving me all of You, I cannot be ok with giving You all of me. So I will question and wheedle and prod to keep You open also. I understand that the way You give is not the same as how I give. It takes true strength to allow someone to see the person inside, I expect You to be as strong as I am.
I will do my best to imprint myself onto Your heart and body and soul as You do on mine. I need to feel that You want me in the same desperate way I want You, even if You aren't made to show it as I do. Sometimes, when I am very insecure, I WILL need You to show me somehow.
I will do everything in my power to tempt and tantalize and find the edges of Your control. I know I am not rational in this. I want to see You ragged and desperate and know I am the cause. I want to be engulfed in Your darkness, falling over the edge of reason and know that You are falling with me.
I will Love You beyond reason.I want to find what Love really means, turn it upside down, inside out and make it our own. I want to burn myself in Your Love and surround You with mine until You feel as happy and safe as I do.

[petlauren]

This is beautifully written and I agree whole heartedly. This is what I want but I a, NOT there yet. I am holding on too much to control.