Oh wow Widget!

Yes you have a good point. I thought about it a bit more last night & thought I might add that while my wife is somewhat subservient to me, she's a very powerful woman. She makes mince meat of most guys.

She does NOT take any crap from me- it's a relationship that is very complicated. I've said to her a thousand times, she doesn't need to ask these things. When I'm on the PC in the library, she asks if it's OK to sit in there with me.

If I'm inside or even in the yard, she asks if it's OK to go & watch a video.

Still figuring all that out, after 15 years of marriage.

See when we first met, she was messed up. She was really messed up. I had to 'take control' to some extent, to keep her in one piece. She wasn't really suicidal, but had no regard for her own well-being. She fought like a wildcat for years-I probably would have had a broken nose or something if I hadn't been studying martial arts at the time! Lots of blocking & deflecting practice in the early years...

Power exchange, whether total or not, is a very complicated concept- to gently steer someone into what you regard is a better way of life for them isn't easy. Any fool can intimidate someone, to bring someone's power out more & more & have them still want to submit to you is the greatest challenge I've ever found.

Tojo