Everyone here has been very gentle. I'll step up on this --

if you force her it is not BDSM --

it is assault. It is rape. It is coersion. It is bullying.

It is also inexcusable but that's a different story.

BDSM and D/s each have a tradition -- SSC. It means Safe, Sane, and CONSENSUAL. That has been updated to a new acronym called RISK. But that won't work for what you want either.

If your wife isn't interested, she isn't interested. Your choices then become compromise, giving in, or divorce.

Sorry to be so heavy handed with this, but even if y ou didn't mean the question the way it sounded, someone else might think there was a way it was just "unpleasant," like eating brussels sprouts.

hJ