What would you do?

[troublemkr{jonjon}]

Well I was working the other night... attempting to look busy lol. We had a new patient transferred to the unit. One of the older employees notice my chocker ..its not a collar just a chain chocker.After helping move the patient and the others left , she asked quietly "How long have you been Owned?". Automatically I pretend to be stupid and have no clue what she is talking about// she recovered immediately when she realized I had no clue what she was talking about and excused herslef and went on her way...

My question is would you deny it like i did or acknowledge when someone in your community/surroundings is also into that lifestyle?

Thank you

[denuseri]

One might think that would depend upon what one's Owner's wishes were regarding the matter.

[FrgnSwtc]

There's a reason why most D/s, M/s, etc relationships are kept quiet. It's not the thrill of mystery that keeps this things closeted for the majority of us, imo.

You don't go through day to day life recounting in detail what happens in your house. Even if the woman who asked you is was polite etc, you're not required to satisfy her curiosity. Sad as it is to say, but no one has to care about other peoples' business, nor they should.

The choice to share or not is yours alone, or as denu puts it, it might be up to your Owner/Master.

[sdgirl]

I would keep my private life private, especially at work. Those things have a way of getting around and you really don't need everyone at your workplace discussing your relationship behind your back or worse, how you choose to live your life affecting your career.

There's absolutely no reason to discuss your personal life at work.

[Bobbitsj]

I agree with sdgirl 100% on this one. However, I am a male slave to my wife and I wear a very plan leather collar in public. I have never had anyone ask me how long I have been "owned" but some have made the comment of "nice collar" or something of the sort. I think in my case anyone who would notice my public collar or mention it would have to be in the know. I like it when someone comments on my collar and it really makes one think about them as well. I always just say thanks and move along when someone comments. The way I look at it is there are doing the very same thing at home or wish they were!

[DowntownAmber]

Whether BDSM or purely vanilla in nature, I find it highly tacky to discuss anything really personal at work...especially something that leans toward being sexual. There is a difference between being open, honest, and proud of who you are and being unprofessional and overly chatty on the job.

Personal issues and lifestyles should remain just that - personal.

[fetishdj]

It becomes an issue of professionalism. You did the right thing by saying nothing in that situation. Letting out something like this in a professional context risks your career. If you met her in a pub afterwards and had a chat that would be different - you are not at work. However, when you are doing your work and trying to maintain a professional demeanour...

She did take a massive risk in asking, mind. UNless she noticed more than the choker. Because I know many women who wear them and aren't submissive or even know about the lifestyle.

I am working on the invisible ink membership cards and secret coder rings that all Lifestylers will wear to show who we are to other lifestylers

[skittish doe]

^ first in line to get mine!

I echo the others here. Your reaction was protective of your personal privacy. Certainly there are folks who are ‘out’ to coworkers, but the decision is an individual one and not made lightly. Your coworker was out of line and gave you a valuable warning regarding her sense of decorum.

[Red Dragon {mpellegrino}]

Aloha

It seems to me the question to ask is would you have done the same away from a work setting? I wonder whether you might have been a little more open if you had been approached at a party or a bar when accompanied by your Master. Something to think about.

At work I echo others when I say you acted professionally and if I were your Master would be very proud of that.

Regards Dragon

[openyoureyes]

I don't have a collar yet, and when I do get one, I'm not sure it will be one I wear in public. But if I did, I think I would have done the same as you and played dumb. For me, that's something private and should remain private. Then again, I am a fairly private person and wouldn't want just anyone to know my business.

[leah06]

While there is the urge to "share," for any number of reasons, it's just too risky with a co-worker. And I think this is true regardless of where you are, at work, or at a bar or a party. She might share your lifestyle, she might be sympathetic, but you know nothing about her or how reliable she is. If she can make this comment to you without knowing your situation, how can you know she won't gossip or share your information with others? I would never take that risk.

[concubine]

i have to agree with remaining professional but at the same time if you are going to wear this at work you can't be surprised if people ask questions. Wearing collars or chokers in a professional situation is going to raise questions and in your case it may not only be with co-workers but eventualy patients. Heck wearing slave appareal in public is going to raise questions or at least stares. What you need to ask yourself is is it worth wearing the choker at work and raising suspicions. By not answering questions, which is probably the right thing to do, you are inviting rumors to start and people to draw their own conclusions. People make snap judgments all the time, unfortunatly. I'm not saying not to wear your choker but maybe not at work or find something to wear that's not so BDSM like an anklet that isn't really noticed. You still know it's there and what it stands for but others don't.

[rollsroycemk1]

Depends on the other person,the occupation ,your job security,pride in being owned.Ask for confirmation that they know the the life style,and what being owned means.You may find a friend.

[biguysub]

i agree with T/those here that feel one's personal life should be kept separate from their [professional] work place. However, ImO, a sub/slave who wears a collar of Ownership to the workplace, opens the door to questions from co-workers. i personally would've answered the question with a "Yes", understanding that my Master would WANT everyone
knowing of His Ownership of me.

[Putnamcocpl]

Given the distances between the Original post and now, a question comes to mind

Has this person, who was RESPECTFUL enough to wait until the room cleared and you were alone, re approached you? Or brought details of HOW they identified your collar? Dropped subtle hints?

Often when someone THINKS they know its fuel for the sharing engine, as was expressed above, discuss this with your Master, and come to a consensus

[singletaillover]

i am a 24/7 slave and i wear my collar with pride it does not worry what people say to my face or behind my back. So to the answer to your question is no i would never deny it i would have acknowledged it

[CaptainZeus]

I think playing it cool was the best thing to do really, although I must admit I'm a person who tends to err on the side of caution. Some people might want others to know, but for me, personal things like this are only for people you need to share them with; once one person knows, it could turn into a muddy slope of everyone knowing. All it takes is one work party with a few too many drinks to loosen tongues, and suddenly the whole workplace knows you're that person who gets treated like a slave at home.

Share with deeply trusted friends? Maybe
Share with colleagues? Nope

[slaveking]

personaly i would tell if i was owned or not. i find it to be a great convo starter

[ks17]

As a teacher, I would never share my lifestyle choice. I would play dumb and act like i had no idea what someone was talking about. I have discussed this with my Master, and He has requested the same thing because of His type of job. W/we have decided to keep our relationship very private, as if anything were to come out about O/our lifestyle in O/our career, W/we would be at risk of losing our jobs.

[sweetiepie]

I think i would be intruigued, but i think i would act in the same way you did to be honest. xx