I suspect that you are experiencing both "guilt" as well as frustration. I use the quotes around "guilt" because it is an emotion based upon what you expect others to think about you rather than the result of illegal or anti-social behavior. Frustration because you wish to behave in a way different from that which will garner approval from those others. Some of those others would genuinely disapprove (which is their problem, not yours) others would disapprove because they don't have the courage to do the same or similar thing. The difficulty lies in finding someone or someones who do approve and agree with the enjoyment you derive because they too get the same pleasure from it. So...the issue is not that you are hiding something you enjoy, rather that you enjoy activities that others would rather be hidden. Rather than consider it something to be ashamed of, consider it something special that others wish they had. We are encouraged to feel "guilty" when ever we do or like something that is different. It's a method to get you to conform to the herd. The solution is to find people to support you (such as those around her) so that you don't feel so isolated. It's not easy to do in a large part of the world, but it is possible. Those "others" want you to feel guilty because they are threatened by your individuality and courage. In the word of the old French Philosopher "Phuck 'Em"! It's not necessary to flaunt your interests unless you wish to shock and astonish them. Wear a discrete symbol of your passion that can be interpreted as a vanilla accessory and let it remind you that it's your life to live as you choose. You're not hurting anyone (unless they request it), you're not violating any laws, you're being an individual...the most dangerous type of person! It's a secret to be enjoyed rather than feel guilty about; until you are comfortable revealing more of your alternate self.