"The illusion that to be into this stuff you must be heartless, weird, not loving, not caring. "

I understand where your preconception comes from... I held it once as well. But in my experience, among people who are genuinely in the Lifestyle, I've found exactly the opposite.

Well, except the weird part. We've got plenty of that.

"Your opinion please..
My hub knows that I have joined a forum to try and sort my head out but he wants to know which one so he can read. I have told him no.. basically because if I knew he was reading I wouldn't be able to be completely honest. Now I feel guilty because I don't want to shut him out. But I feel that this is something I need to sort out on my own. Am I right??"

This is tricky... if your husband is the one you intend to persue these desires with, I would say that honesty and trust between you is quite critical. If you shut him out, you are putting up a wall between you and him... even if you mean well, it's only natural that if he loves you he's gong to feel a bit hurt to be shut out.

If you don't feel you can be completely honest with him, why not?