Can anyone help me?

[cariad]

...My hub knows that I have joined a forum to try and sort my head out but he wants to know which one so he can read. I have told him no.. basically because if I knew he was reading I wouldn't be able to be completely honest. Now I feel guilty because I don't want to shut him out. But I feel that this is something I need to sort out on my own. Am I right??

...What I do know is this: In order for you and your husband to both enjoy each other both in the moment, and out of the moment. The excange of trust has got to be at a level you have yet to find with each other. If you can trust him with your body, learn to trust him with your mind. Open your soul to him, for him to declare beautiful and at the same time wonderfully kinky. Once you bare your inner self to him. I think you will feel as if you can't keep these thoughts from him, for if you do. You will most likely feel as if you are not worthy of his attentions.

Your job as the submissive in this is to trust him completely, and with all your might. His job, and this is the key really. Is to cherrish that trust, to show you that your submission to him is a treasure that he values beyond the tangables of life.

Hello Sub in denial. I agree with ID, that is your goal, and it is a magical place to be.

However reading between the lines I suspect you are perhaps not ready to go there. If you can then wonderful, if not, how about taking a first step in opening up, and explaining to him why you feel you need some space to yourself for a while. I have to warn you, he will probably not like it, goes against both the male and the Dom psychology, but be gentle and persistent and appreciate that he will probably feel hurt by your exclusion of him. But at least you will have told him why, which is so much better than just a plain no. You might wish to point out to him that this is also the normal process in most forms of counselling.

You could give him an additional promise to explain things to him, as and when you are ready, for example you could explain your relief having your first illusion shattered, and that you do not have to be 'heartless, weird, not loving, not caring'. Talk about how you felt before, about some of the not so heartless people you have met here, and about how you feel about your discovery. Each time you share something with him like that, you will be moving a step closer to that goal ID spoke of.

cariad