Quote Originally Posted by sub_in_denial
I trust him with my body completely, although sometimes he has gone over the line, but that is more my fault for not laying down explicitly what I will not tolerate. However I think you may have something in the "trusting him in my mind". Part of me fears a betrayl of my secrets should we ever part.. photos/video ending up of me on the net etc etc. How do I over come this fear to trust him completely?
Finding trust in your relationship is a building block of success and failure. Each step and each block dependent on the last. If you can understand a couple simple construction techniques i will illustrate for you some.

When building something, a large granite building for instance. There is a key stone. It is the first stone to be laid as the foundation for the building. This stone must be set perfect. For every stone after it will be dependent on its placement.

Another example is the keystone. When building an archway. the arch is built one brick or stone at a time. At the center top there is a stone that wedges to push outward on the nearest stone in both directions. If this stone was not placed correctly all the other stones to that point would crumble.

Okay, this is getting long winded, bare with me.

So in your relationship, work with your corner and key stones. One being your love for your husband, and his love for you. Unless you got married cause the sex was just that good, and don't have any real common interests. You generally like and love each other, otherwise you wouldn't have gotten married. The other stone you must work on is trust. Placing it correctly so that the other things in your relationship are stable and strong.

The mortar that binds these stones is communication. Keep the communication strong and open, and the stones you have placed will only become stronger and more stable as time goes on.

Lesson? Yea theres a lesson. Talk to him. You mentioned you didn't say what wasn't okay to do. There is a BDSM checklist on the site, or on the Internet as well. Print one up. Fill it out. Give it to him. Trust that he will use for good, not some whacked out psycho ex thing and post it on e-bay or something. He will read it, and use it to bring you to places you didn't know existed.

Take that first step in saying what isn't cool, leaving him to decide when or how to do what is cool.


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