Can anyone help me?

[Ruby]

Welcome SID.

It sounds like you are dealing with a number of issues:

1. Guilt
2. Embarrassment
3. Trust

All of these can be worked through over time.

If you enjoy being his submissive and he enjoys being your dom,
then your ready to take on each issue one at a time.

Do put a name to what you are feeling and let him know that
these are the issues you are combating.

Do take a good look at yourself, now, as an adult and
ask if there is any reason to hold onto those issues?

I'm also going to venture out on a limb here that these issues have many layers. There is not only the matter of trusting him, but of trusting yourself.

Ask yourself what type of submissive you'd like to be for him? As in, do you only want to be the submissive when you play? Is a phrase or trigger, something that will help you step into this role?

Is he doing anything to increase or decrease the issues you are dealing with?

There is some wonderful reading material in here and on places others have posted. Part of the key is in giving yourself permission to be and act how you want, even if it doesn't fit into your upbringing.

I'm not talking about leaving toys on the floor, or dressing like a slut when the parents come to visit, but in those personal moments with your hubby, the two of you should be able to have fun how you choose.

About letting him visit this site and seeing what you've written: go for it.

It doesn't mean you have to share every private PM you receive or give him your username and password.

To your success at no longer being,
a Sub in Denial

Ruby

PS

Feel free to PM me anytime, too.

PSS

Tojo, hope you are feeling better, soon.