Welcome to the site, SID. I'm pretty new here too, but I've found this place to be very open and accepting.

Communication: I would suggest you ask your husband for a couple things, to help you explore what he and you both want. First, ask him to write out what this sort of play means to him, and why he wants it. That may help you figure out your own desires, and at least gives you a clue what is okay in his eyes. There are also a lot of "kink questionaires" (for lack of a better term) out there that have pretty much every known kink and what it means, and whether you'd be into it. I'd really recommend both you and he fill one out. And be honest on it, with the intention you can come back and open up to things later.

As for religion; I'm not religious, so I may not be the best to answer this. Then again, as an outsider and history major I may be. So: in my experience and understanding, Catholicism is intricately linked to BDSM. Most obviously, there is Jesus: the beauty and benevolence of suffering personified. If he chose to partake of punishment, it seems unlikely he'd hold it against you. There is also a long history of purification by pain within the Catholic church: the first real thinkers of the church tended to be ascetics, that is, holy men who sought purification by mortification of the body: hair shirts, self-flagellation, starvation, and other forms of s/m were practiced publicly and devoutly. Body modification is also a theme: branding was used to expel evil and to test truth. The papal Castrati were ritually castrated to preserve their voices for hymnals, and the religious thinker Abelard considered his castration (at the hands of his wife's unhappy relatives) to be a beneficial form of divine justice, 'removing that with which I had offended.' The Holy Inquisition utilized torture with the stated objective of purification from evil and reclamation for the Church, not as punishment -- that was reserved for God, not man. Witch burnings were similar, intended to pass sinners through "hellfire" to cleanse them for entrance into Heaven. Nuns were considered the "brides of God," and like monks were essentially ritually imprisoned for religious purposes (and some more than ritually -- walling oneself up, with only a bible and a hole large enough to pass food through, was considered a very devout act). Today, various forms of mortification such as flagellation and spanking are regularly practiced within and accepted by the church, and self-denial/starvation themes are too numerous to list. In short, a religion that displays lovingly crafted, beautiful statues of a man impaled on a cross and dying has no room to condemn your handcuffs.

(btw, I did warn you I was a history major)

As for public acceptability...gadzooks. Yes, under the labels we usually use: BDSM, Dommes, etc, and the extremes we push, we are on the edge of society. But that same society contains lesser degrees of BDSM in abundance. Listen to a dozen love songs, on any station, and you will find that many of them have a clearly illustrated actor and recipient for that love: it is NOT an equal exchange. Heck, actually listen to John Cougar's "Hurts so good," which plays over my parents' stations. Mass-advertising is the mecca of objectification: there are clearly defined objects and actors (as in, the one initiating and controlling the action, not the obvious meaning). Watch a few Levi's commercials: Woman pulls up to man, leers at body, asks about jeans, drives off into the distance. That's about as pure power play as you can get. Can Cosmo covers in every grocery store line deliver any message OTHER than "become this beautiful object for men to enjoy"? And mind you, they're appealing to the WOMEN to want this role -- not the men to fantasize about it. Everyone's childhood heroes taught you how to play bdsm games: what do the cops do to the robbers, if not handcuff them and lock them away? All-American Wonderwoman uses a whip to tie up and incapacitate her opponents on Saturday morning cartoons. How can anyone miss the powerplay between Superman's forceful, dominant personality, the demure Lois Lane, and the infinitely meek and subservient Clark Kent -- watch who tells whom what to do the next time you see a classic.

The social constructions that we use to define acceptability are simply games we use to interact -- to predict each others' response. Extreme play challenges these assumptions, and delights in the realm of the risky and risque. Example: every potluck I go to always has a 2 litre of coke and 7-up. No one ever brings the Jones Smoked Pate flavored soda. Would it be wrong if they did? Would it be "Wrong"? No...but a few people would go "ew" and wander off.

We are the smoked pate flavored soda drinkers.

Anyways, as you can see, I could ramble on about this stuff; if you want to hear more, send me a pm (or about anything else -- can't say I can help with all your problems, but I'm happy to talk with you. And yeah, I mean that).

Final tips before I shut up:

Start slow. You call the police officer and the bank manager and the valued customer "sir" -- you can call your husband that. See what it makes you feel, and where it leads you.

Write down some light things you would be willing to do on some cards; intersperse some very tame ones. Draw one at random to see what you do that night, and think about which ones you hoped were drawn, and which ones you dreaded. If you get a "vanilla" card, is it a relief -- or a bit of a disappointment?

If you aren't comfortable with the sex yet, try other things. Honestly, 75% of bdsm takes place out of the bedroom, in my opinion. Have him choose what you wear -- he doesn't have to make you look like a stripper, but it gives him choice over you. Let him order your dinner. Wear handcuffs in the car every time he drives. It won't lead to anything crazy there, but you'll feel the power play.

Always remember, when you feel repulsed by your own draw towards play, that once upon a time boys had cooties and were gross. This, too, shall pass.