Thanks all of you.
Silke... no offence taken.. it was more my inability to register than anything else! Honestly it'll take more than that to upset me. I'm in for the long haul!

EBadger... I was bought up a catholic but am non practicing and pretty much not really a believer anymore. I try to live by christian values. I screwed up being a catholic the moment a slept with my now husband before I got married.

So over the last few days I have been doing some soul searching. To give you a little background. My hub is my only sexual partner. We had great straight sex for the first 6 months or so, even playing with hand cuffs sometimes. Then suddenly intercourse became painful. Turns out I had some gynae probs which are now sorted but still the pain remains. Of course you don't have to have intercourse to have sex and we have been well practiced at all sorts!
There is nothing more the hospital can do for me its phycological and I have to get my body to believe that it doesn't hurt anymore.

Anyway my hub reckons the pain coinsided with my devout catholic father telling me that it was ok to have sex before I was married as long as he didn't know about it. Talk about moving the goal posts. I had spent the first 21 years of my life threatened with being cut out the will if I partook in such seedy inapropriate behaviour.

Consciously I know that it doesn't matter what my dad thinks after all with 2 kids now he has to know we have done it twice!!! (Actually it took 5 times, and those of 5 of about 8 times in the last 6 years that we have had intercourse!)

The issue that really prompted me to join this forum and ask for help is that my desire levels are at about 2/10 and some of that is down to the children the youngest is 6 months.
What frustrates hub is that when I get going I am a wanton hoar who really turns him on, but getting me to that point is such hard work. I am just not interested, but once I get going I alright. This makes me think it is my stupid brain stopping me. I am so worried that he will evenually find solace elsewhere. His DVD collection is vast to say the least! I really want to be able to fulfil his desires sufficiently. I love him so dearly, but some may say I obviously don't else I would give him more sex.

Caraid... I spoke to him about the trust thing, and he felt hurt that I didn't trust him. He said he trusts me completely. When I pointed out times when he has kept secrets from me, he took that fact on board. He says he is in this marriage for better or worse. Aww ..

So guys where to from here? I am starting to feel better already although is it normal to think about BDSM last thing at night and first thing when I wake up?

SID