SID, I'm so glad to see you're making some progress. Please, don't try to go too fast with this. Baby steps are good when you're trying to do something this big.

One thing you'll learn here is that we really don't care too much about "normal". If we did, it'd be a whole different type of "normal" than "normal people" have.

My husband has been quite pleased ever since I started posting and reading here, because I'm far more interested in sex than I ever was. That's not to say I didn't enjoy it or want it, I just didn't think about it. Now, it seems to occupy my thoughts a great deal more.

If you can afford it, I'd recommend seeing a good sex therapist. Talk through your issues regarding your pain problems with that person and see if you can move past it. The only other thing I could recommend there would be to gradually work with your husband on learning to be a sub, like by having him grow accustomed to giving you tasks, small ones at first, so that you learn to be comfortable giving up control to him.

I'm glad you're starting to feel better and I hope you'll keep plugging away at this.