Hi Everyone,

This IS a fascinating topic, and one that I have thought about a great deal in the last six or so years since I recognised my own masochism and subbie nature.

Before I start ranting on, I ought to say that I come from a very dysfunctional family and that I was physically abused (but not sexually assaulted) almost from the age of 11 or so. It was one of those magazine-article middle class families that looked so wonderful from the outside but stank inside. So, by the time I was in my mid teens I had a very low self esteem. I was far from being diagnosably psychotic or mentally ill, but I am sure that analysts would have been queuing up to get me on their couches.

In fact it was my first owner who showed me that I should be proud of myself, even if it was in ways that hadn't seemed important to me up to then - things like my academic standards, my (hopefully) basic intelligence, my feelings for other people less fortunate than myself. I will say now that he was a great deal older than I was, and obviously far far wiser. But as well as 'training' me he also cared for me and built me up psychologically. He was just a wonderful guy to whom I feel nothing but gratitude.

He used his dominant position to put me back together again and, by the time we parted, I had come to see that maybe there was a lot of me that WAS worthwhile. I now happily (and immodestly! LOL) admit to being bright and smart and good looking, and to knowing my own mind. But I also knew by the time he left, that I was deeply masochistic, and very much a submissive. AND I loved that; it didn't worry me, and I almost flouted my subbie nature.

My present (and only second ) owner saw what I was almost as soon as we met, and I was aware enough by then to recognise his dominant nature. From almost the first moment we were alone together we naturally fell into what seemed like our preordained roles. I won't say that everything has been rosey all the way; I did my usual 'testing the dom' business and paid for it in no uncertain manner, and I can be headstrong and demanding myself. Thankfully he is a strong guy and he is strict with me which I both like and admire.

So I am/was a subbie with a low self esteem who, through being in two D/s relationships. has found herself and has recovered much of her self esteem. This is no fairy tale but MY LIFE, and I can safely say now that I am relaxed in my relationship with my owner and I am happy with what I do and, most importantly, with what I am.

Perhaps, on the basis of 'the proof of the pudding is in the eationg', it's probably proof positive that things have dramatically imroved for me by the fact that I am writing this to be read by strangers. Six and a half years ago I NEVER freely talked to strangers, and I was the one at parties who cowered in the corner and looked sulky and miserable, and was rude to anyone who talked to her. I used the porcupine defense and never opened up to anyone until I started to recognise what I was and after I had met my first owner.

Dominants can be abusive, of that I am sure, human nature being what it is. But there are good guys out there and I am extremely fortunate to have been owned by two of them. And I like to think that I am daily meeting open and honest doms here as well. For me, being a sub is wonderful and I wouldn't have it any other way. I may have been incredibly lucky but I think my experiences show that a low self esteem can be RADICALLY improved through a good D/s relationship.

Sorry to have chuntered on for so long, but this is something that I think needed to be said, for my own sake, if for no-one else's.

Love, Jane.