Hello,

I've been a switch since my first interest in the BDSM experiance when I was quite young. This is because the primary attraction was the sensation of pain, something tangible and exciting that I lacked in my sensory life. Now I still crave and fantasise about punishment, humiliation and loss of control but I am naturally very Dominant and an avid sadist, so I find actual submission impossible.

The main problem is that I top from the bottom in an attempt to realise my masochistic dreams. While I am master I can control the scene, and suit it to my desires, regardless of her plans (this is not to say I don't care for my sub's enjoyment, it's just that I'm in control). I cannot truly replicate my sub's loss of control as she has no choice, wheras I am to strong willed to be helpless, usually.

It's not that I end the scene. I just become dis-satisfied with the level of imagination and cruelty in my mistress, and almost inevitably try to shape it. Pre-discussion has proved ineffective, and I have sometimes attempted to create vengance by punishing her extremely harshly beforehand...

I more interested in domination than submission anyway, but still... Perhaps I should desist? Perhaps I just haven't found a suitable girl yet? Perhaps...

Does anyone have any advice?