i cannot agree with pandemonium more. i get so tired of hearing people blame their current state on the way they were raised or what they have experienced throughout their life. It never fails that a rapist accuses his mother for his current actions or a murderer blames the neighborhood they grew up in. We all have been abused at some point in our life whether is was the degrading verbal assault from a middle school bully or a boy who was sodomized by his father on a daily basis.

Personally, i lossed my virginity to a "friend" raping me, grew up with an emotionally and mentally abusive father who felt his heroin and vodka was more important than his children (and to this day, the latter has not changed), and just within the past year left a physically abusive fiance. Do i suffer from low self esteem? NO. Absolutely not.

That's not to say that occasionally i don't look at a Vogue magazine and thing i need to firm up my abs or watch an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and think about what a shit-hole my place is compared to theirs.....but that's normal, right? Everybody nod their heads.

The point is, it is not what a person has had to deal with in their lives, but how they deal with it.

Originally posted by Jane SC
Hi Everyone,

Before I start ranting on, I ought to say that I come from a very dysfunctional family and that I was physically abused (but not sexually assaulted) almost from the age of 11 or so. It was one of those magazine-article middle class families that looked so wonderful from the outside but stank inside. So, by the time I was in my mid teens I had a very low self esteem. I was far from being diagnosably psychotic or mentally ill, but I am sure that analysts would have been queuing up to get me on their couches.

In fact it was my first owner who showed me that I should be proud of myself, even if it was in ways that hadn't seemed important to me up to then - things like my academic standards, my (hopefully) basic intelligence, my feelings for other people less fortunate than myself. I will say now that he was a great deal older than I was, and obviously far far wiser. But as well as 'training' me he also cared for me and built me up psychologically. He was just a wonderful guy to whom I feel nothing but gratitude.

The things i say is not to make anyone else look bad....Jane, i really appreciate your post, your case is an exceptional one and i certainly hope my opinions and thoughts are not offensive to you.

However, not every man that claims to be dominant is going to know how to handle a situation like this, in fact, not every true dominant is going to be able to do so, it takes a special person to do for people what Jane's Masters did for her.

In general, it is my opinion that low or zero self-esteem is not a good thing in any type of relationship....for one, it is unattractive and can even be insulting to your mate, and it takes a rare person to not be brought down by another's person low self-esteem when they are emotionally involved. So, do i think it is right to dominate a low-self esteem submissive......generally speaking, no, i do not, because it takes a great deal of esteem and inner strength to hand the controls over to somebody else.