There are some things we can help with, and I hope we are -- but yes, the psychological pain and deep repression and guilt you describe (which are NOT healthy ways to raise a child!) are not things we can address as well as you deserve; a therapist could help you much more than we.

We're definitely still able to support you, though, I hope you stick around!

As for thinking about play day and night...well, that says, first of all, that you have a healthy sex drive. Welcome to every other horny person in the world! We're said to think about it, what, every 10 seconds? You are normal.

The whips and chains part may be a bit more off the mainstream, but as already mentioned, that's probably largely because it's new and shiny and fun. I'm the same way about a new video game, and that's a lot less life-affecting. Again, you are normal. If you find it doesn't ever calm down a bit, well, I have friends who can't shut up about football (no, I mean REALLY can't shut up about it), and I'd say relations with your husband are a lot more important and exciting than athletes you don't know several states away. So even if you're a one track mind, you're normal as long as you can live a functional life outside of play. Generally, I've found that every time I think I'm extreme I can find a ton of people who make me look like a hack.

So, what else...oh yeah, the desire thing...well, young kids are a big deal; I haven't any myself, but I've heard over and over that kids are about the fastest way to destroy a sex life known to man. So yeah...normal again. Beyond that, the desire may be an issue of foreplay. If you aren't wet when he enters, he needs to go back to first base and run around the field again. Normal women don't get wet at the first whiff of sex, despite everything the porn industry tells you. Finally, it could have a lot to do with guilt...if your dad spent 21 years telling you it's seedy inappropriate behavior, it might take a bit to convince yourself it's not. Again, that would be something I can't address as much as you deserve.

As for the trust thing...being private is not a violation of trust. Not wanting to talk means you don't want to talk: it doesn't mean you're withholding something from him. Hopefully he's the center of your life -- it sounds like he is. But you still need to have your own life, not just his. I think it would be a good thing to bring up some of things you've mentioned here to him, because I feel that would help you understand one another; and it would be good to tell him some responses we've given, so he knows we're not telling you to do anything unhealthy. That said, your husband should not be forcing you to do anything you don't want to do.

I'll say that again. Your husband should not be forcing you to do anything you don't want to do. Yeah, even in Dom mode.

For now, take things slow. I tried to suggest some stuff up above that was pretty light. While not everything we do is always comfortable -- we do push limits -- if something is specifically UNcomfortable to you, you're not ready for it. You're not going to be O overnight, and you really shouldn't try. (btw, if you haven't read The Story of O yet, do so. Can be found in pretty much any bookstore. She's more extreme than most of us will ever dream, but it gives a very good insight to understanding submission).

Last thought of the day: For most of the history of Catholicism, it was impossible to have a priest within a reasonable distance of every household. Marraiges, when able to be performed at all, were on a very haphazard basis -- whenever the itinerant priest wandered through (which often meant after "the fact"). Nor was everyone expected to marry, even when near a priest -- the act of coupling implied union. That is, you have sex, and you're married. The absolute requirement for marraige before sex was largely a product of Queen Victoria, the Virgin Queen (who wasn't even Catholic) and her associated, highly sexually repressed era, as well as the birth (during the Rennaissance) of a wealthy middle class that wanted legal protection for its property (and it was easier to prove a marraige had been performed with a certain man, then that he'd had sex with one's daughter). This means that historically speaking, more Catholics have probably had sex outside of technical "marraige" than within it.