I think I know exactly where my interest in BDSM started. I was 4 or 5 years old. My younger sister had arrived when I was nearly 4. She had great dimples and was very cute. When we went out everybody would fall all over my sister in her stroller and ignore me. I felt rejected, a typical older child overreaction to a loss or sharing of interest by adults.

At this same time (1949) there was a period of time where toddlers went in public in a harness and on a leash. I remember seeing other children near my age in such gear and they would be tugging on their leashes and thereby demanding their parent’s attention. I wanted one of those harnesses as a way to get back into the attention circle. I even remember asking my parents for one and being rebuffed.

From that I went on to liking tie-up and hostage games. When puberty came sexual maturity was linked to bondage. Thirty years of shame and hiding followed. Finally with children gone and money available I began to build a collection of stuff and visit professional dominants. I am now thinking more about how to live more of my real self and hid less.

To this day a collar and leash are powerful images for me. I want be leashed by a powerful female, and I want to hold the leash of a willing slave.