Widget's first assignment

[Widget]

Hi SuperBitch:

.

I believe you assigned me to write about becoming stuck in the desert with no water and how I felt about it and then a stranger offers me a ride. So I hope that this is following the assignment the way I was supposed to complete it.

Widget cringes a little at her attempt... please be kind hahahahahaha



God damn it” I swore at the car again.

“Fuck” I hit the steering wheel in a useless gesture of anger and frustration.

I tried to turn the engine over again. It just wouldn’t go and I could hear the slow sound of car whose battery is dying from all the attempts to start it. After everything else that has gone on this week the car had to die. I couldn’t take it any more and I just started to cry. Not little sniffles either but big heaving sobs.

My husband and I had parted ways and all I had left was this piece of crap car and whatever I could stuff into a suitcase. I was on my way through the Drumheller area on some dirt road to go to stay with some friends when the car died. The whole area is beautiful; an amazing desert landscape full of hoodoos and canyons but it is also hot as hell in the summer time.

So here I was in a car that won’t go, in the middle of butt-fuck no where and the morning temperature climbing as it approached noon. I had no cell phone because the battery on mine was dead and I had no water and no food with me.

I sniffled and looked for something to blow my nose in the car with. Thank goodness I always keep napkins in the glove box. I sat in the car for an hour or so and no cars passed me at all and I had not seen anyone earlier today either on this gravel road. I decided the best thing to do was to start walking towards a paved road and try to flag down a car. According to the map I was not that far off from a decent road.

I got out of the car and the heat just hit me like a brick. I thought it had been hot in the car but at least I had the benefit of the little bit of shade from the roof. I sighed heavily as I looked down at my shoes. All I had grabbed when I left was some clothes and I never even thought to get more shoes so as a result all I had on was a pair of sandals that were in no way meant for slogging down a dirt road at high noon under a scorching sun.

At least my legs were covered and I could put on a light shirt so I didn’t completely get sun burnt and I did grab my sunglasses but I still had no hat to cover my head with.

“Great” I muttered as I started walking “we who are about to fry salute you” I out loud to no one in particular.

It just kept getting hotter and hotter; All I could see was a ribbon of grey gravel road winding along and the heat waves coming off of it. I was dying for anything to drink now as I was already dehydrated from crying so hard earlier and the heat was fast sucking any moisture out of my body. My feet started hurting almost right away and the dust and gravel got into my sandals making walking an uncomfortable experience.

Grasshoppers kept jumping out of the way and sometimes hitting my legs as I plodded on and on. I could hear the hard whirring sound of their wings as they flew around me and resettled behind me again. The air smelt dusty and hot and it was heavy to breath. I kept thinking about ice cold glasses of coke and how good it would be to get a slurpee, water or anything. My mouth was so dry. I must have been walking for about a good hour and still no end in site of this dusty road and no shade either. Just mile after mile of barbed wire fencing lining the road, grasshoppers and gravel reflecting the rays of the sun up onto me. I put my head down again as I dragged each step out. I was getting so tired and hot but I was too far from my car to go back, the only choice was to go on.

I do some of my best thinking when I am walking or traveling anywhere at all really. For some reason it just puts me in a place where I just start a train of thought and I keep on rolling with it. I do my best problem solving this way but I can also become extremely introspective and turn on myself inside my head. I started thinking about how I had failed in my marriage and how I was the one to blame for it all falling apart. I kept walking in a bit of a trance like state as I began to tear myself apart in a million little pieces each one sharp as glass and each one leaving little slices on my esteem. I thought about how little I had deserved what I had lost and who would ever want to love me with the mess that my life had become.

I was feeling very sorry for myself when suddenly I heard the sound of a car in the distance behind me. I looked back over my shoulder and saw a big cloud of dust from over the hill. I almost started jumping up and down I was so excited. All that advice from my mom went right out the window about rides from strangers. I was so hot and tired that I would have taken a ride from the devil if he had air conditioning.

As the vehicle came close enough to see me I started waving my arms using up a reserve of energy I didn’t even know I had left. I must have looked quite the site. My hair all falling out of its pony tail, I had obviously been crying and my feet were covered in dust. Not to mention that I am sure I stunk of sweat and dust.

The big white pick up truck started to drive by me and I thought at first it wasn’t going to stop at all.

“Nooooo” I screamed “you jerk off”

I looked up to see the brake lights flash and the truck stop and start to back up. I started to run towards it. To me at that moment it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

When I got to the truck I walked up to the door as the driver rolled down the passenger side window to be greeted by a the biggest border collie I had ever seen sticking his head out the window and trying to get at me to lick my face. I could feel the air conditioning coming out of the truck and it was wonderful.

“You look like you could use a ride” a deep voice said. “That must have been your car we passed a ways back. Hop on in and don’t mind the dog, he is very friendly.”

“Yes it was and oh God could I ever.” I sighed gratefully as I opened up the door and climbed up into the truck.

The dog just scrambled over a bit and then sat back on his haunches panting and looking like he was laughing at me. I looked over to the driver to introduce myself and found myself looking into a very friendly pair of blue eyes. The rest of the driver was very cute as well with short brown hair; a nice smile and he looked fairly tall although it was rather hard to tell with him sitting down.

“My name is Patty” I said “and I am so grateful for a ride. Can you take me to the nearest phone so I can call a tow truck?”

“Mike” he said “I think you could use this” as he passed me a bottle of water. I drank it down in one long drink. I had never tasted anything so good in my life as that warm water.

“I can do better than that for a pretty lady; I can take you to the farm to rest for a bit. To be honest you look like you could do with a quick shower and then I’ll see what we can do about your car.”

I flipped down the sun visor and took a quick look in the mirror and gasped. “Oh my god” I knew I looked bad but I had no idea how bad it really was. I had a big steak of dust across one cheek for where I had been wiping off my tears, my hair was all over the place and I had somehow managed to get something on my blouse.

“Don’t worry about it” Mike laughed “I thought you looked kind of cute in a lady in distress sort of way.”

I laughed, shut the visor and settled back into the seat. I had a feeling things were looking up.

[Silke]

Hey, I could feel heat...brings back memories of the last two months of being fried in the sun here, lol. Great detail, Widget, I could picture the scene very well...and it left me wanting more. *grins*

[Widget]

Thank you for your kind words Silke, its been a while since I have written like that.

[TheKnothead]

I loved it! I live in Arizona....it was real

[Widget]

Thank you knothead.

[maddie]

Nice descriptions of the heat, Widget! I also like how you express her frustration and how her mind works while she's walking.

One thing I noticed that you might want to work on is your comma usage. Early on, you have a few sentences that need commas, but don't have them. Like the sentence, "After everything else that has gone on this week the car had to die." There ought to be a comma after "week".

I highly recommend "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" by Lynn Truss. She has some good information about commas. Sometimes, it helps to read your story aloud; that often gives me an idea of where I have a comma I don't need or where I need one. If you pause every time there's a comma, it gives you a good sense of when they're needed.

I'm looking forward to reading future stories from you.

[Widget]

Ya I know that I do that with my stories sometimes. I am an absolutly horrible editor of my own work because I find it hard to focus. I do like to use the read outloud trick when I can because yes it does really help.

Thanks Maddie

[Talia]

ok...finally got around to reading this Widget...sorry.....

As maddie said...I noticed right off you needed to use commas...and some of your sentences are runons....or fragmented.

Some of your sentences can be restructured so the meaning is more clear

I sniffled and looked for something to blow my nose in the car with.

This sentence could read something like.....
I sniffled, and searched the car for something to blow my nose.

Rearranging the sentence can make the meaning clearer and the flow of your story smoother.

Also, when I was learning to write, my composition teacher told me to print out the story and circle all the I's....Try this....see how many you have used. Then see if the sentence or paragraph can be restructured with less I's. For me...I had to rewrite the whole damn paper. As I redid the paper, I noticed that with less I's the story flowed much better.

Very good story...I'll PM you, your next assignment.