I'll echo others when I say that it might work in certain relationships. I used to read a blog about a woman doing that very thing. For me, that's an absolute no-no. I love humiliation at a certain level, but due to past experiences, commentary on my weight, intellect, or eating habits are out of bounds. They are deal-breakers. I've struggled with eating disorders pretty much all my life. I've never been able to see my body as it is- I felt totally undesirable as a size 7 (dress size) 15-year-old. I also spent a couple of months eating one meal every other day, and not by choice (that didn't happen until later). One of the most back-handed compliments I've ever received was from a friend who told me, "You'd look like a supermodel if you lost a little weight." (He was a little socially inept, so I took it as a compliment, but barely.) I know what it is to have a loathsome relationship with one's own body.

The reason weight loss is so hard for so many people is that the approach to weight loss is scientific- calories in< calories out= thin!, which is true and works for some people. However, most people who are obese have the issue because of complex relationships with food. Food is tied into emotion SO much in our society- in the US, our seasons revolve around food. That's only ONE aspect of the issue.

Bringing the focus onto my weight is likely to make me obsess about it more. You couldn't possibly beat me up about it anymore than I already have. It's bad to kick somebody in their "weak" spots. Bringing it to a positive light will generally be a better approach, but I think it's exceedingly arrogant to approach a relationship with an eye toward "fixing" someone.

That said, it never hurts to give the non-standard beauties a chance because you see their diamond in the rough... and there ARE many diamonds. In defense of the guy who said "No big girls" or whatever it was, I'd rather know up front that weight is an issue before getting involved. I also know that some subs won't answer those out of principle, regardless of their size.

Very interesting topic, by the way! Sorry for rambling about personal stuff. I've just been on both sides, and I know what I'd be willing to submit to, or not.