Leah, I have finally found someone to "play" with, someone who is experienced in the scene, non-judgemental, willing to teach me and lead me, and would love me if I were just vanilla. One of the better things, I think, is that he is a switch, so he knows how a bottom feels; one of the best is that he is willing to listen to me, to explain to me, to let me try things and stop without guilting me about ruining his good time. And yes, we started out fairly tame, with pretty light spankings on butt and upper thighs. We have progressed to harder beatings, on more of my body; some bondage; some rules, like no underwear unless it's for hygiene reasons (I don't do tampons, so I wear panties during my period, or when cleaning out the garage) or when dressing up for him. I am finding that I like more and more pain, more bondage sessions, more everything--and I still love the nights when we have plain old, sweet, gentle, vanilla sex.
As everyone else says, the key is communication. Talk, talk, talk, then talk some more. On the phone, via email or snail mail, while you're driving in the car, or as pillow talk, however. Just find a way to tell each other what you like and what you don't. And don't be afraid to try new things--you never know what you will like. Best of luck to you!