just a thought, but, given that it seems to be waning in importance to him...i think i would start to wonder if he ISN'T vanilla, as ntripper85 has suggested. it seems odd to me, even considering the way life sometimes gets busy and becomes a factor, that his interest has waned to such a degree. i whole-heartedly agree that a serious, but respectful, discussion is needed. he knew when you married that this was a part of your life and something that you NEED, and even when life starts to weigh in, every relationship has to be met with effort from both parties involved. knowing that the contract that you mentioned was obviously of importance to you, it seems to me that it should have been gone over before you actually got married...this, in my opinion, shows a lack of his making you and your needs a priority of any kind.....yes, a very serious discussion is needed.

BDSM aside...i would be royally pissed that he used something so important to you just to get out of doing his part, i don't know that i would be able to help it! i would like to second the fact that you are his wife and not his maid! you may be a submissive, but you deserve respect! there is a gaping chasm of difference between being submissive and being walked all over...there does come a point at which it is necessary to stand up for ones self, and it sure sounds like it is time.