Quote Originally Posted by SubSarahh View Post
I have a very wonderful boyfriend. We get along really well, and I know I'm in love with him. But the sex is awful, I just can't get into it. I know I'm a submissive and I need to be treated as such to actually get off. I've even brought it up to him before and tried to get him excited by the idea, but he just has no interest in anything regarding BDSM what so ever. he's just one of those people who is so not into it, even just a tiny bit. But I don't want to break up just because of that one thing because other then that everything is great. We've been together for years and we already live together. Has anyone been in a similar relationship / have any advice? Is this something I could just grow out of, or should I risk leaving him and look for someone that shares my interests? I have no idea what to do.

You are touching here on an ever re-occurring dilemma: should we tell our prospective partner about our bdsm needs before getting too far, and risk them leaving? Or should be tell them later, and risk not being compatible?

I can only say that I personally feel that the best thing is to do it first, because bdsm, as far as I know, simply doesn't go away, and so the risk is the same before or after but the pain less before.

But that is water under the bridge now, except if you decide to leave and change your strategy next time.

Being a poly myself it is natural for me to suggest talking to him about you seeing a compatible bdsm partner, that being the only thing you miss and you being very happy with the rest of your relationship. Perhaps find some poly lists and both of you read about it, there are rather more people living like that than you'd think. The best thing might be to find another in the same situation: in a good relationship, but missing that one, yet so important thing.