Wow. That's quite a story.

Honestly, you're both to blame. Sorry to sound blunt. She obviously used you. You went along with it every single time though. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."? Well, this is more of a "Fool me dozens of times, it's okay, we can totally work through it....again."

I can understand that you didn't want to lose her, or that you love her, or whatever the situation might be, but at some point, you have to step back and see what you're both doing.

As for her, she never should have done what she did. She'll probably keep doing it, with or without you in her life. If you couldn't change her after so many incidents, what makes you think she would ever change?

You might love bdsm, but that is definitely not how a relationship is supposed to work. Why would you want to be with someone who consistently defies you and interferes majorly with your life? How can that be considered healthy?

I'm really not trying to be hurtful by saying these things. I do wish you the best of luck, and I hope you have the courage to get out of the situation.