Do other's have this type of difficulties?

[thir]

I do thank all of you for responding. We have cooled things down a bit. Taking a step back. We'll see where it goes from there.

I am extremely sorry to hear that, because it can only go to pieces again. You have a pattern here that will not change.

I very rarely talk like this on a forum, as there is so much you cannot know and anyway we are not experts any of us.

But, in this case, and with your long post explaining the situation, it is crystal clear. You are addicted to her, and she cannot or will not be a responsible person. By going back to her you risk yoru house, your animals, your economy, your life.

The bdsm background is making it less clear by first glance. It looks like you are in charge. But, though 'officially' the dominant, you are definitly not in the driver's seat. The bdsm situation only makes it possible for her to control you - a situation of topping from the bottom if I ever saw one, and with disastrous results!

You have a pattern here that will not change. I hope, with all my heart, that you can get away from this relationship before it destroys you. I know it is extremely hard to end, the worse a relationship, the harder it is to end. But I am convinced with all my heart that this will never work! You have an irresponsible/out of control person - who probably needs professional help - in sole charge of your relationship, and that can only go one way.

I am sorry if this hurts, but I felt I had to say it, because you asked. Best of luck.