On the subject of the male subs having "fantasies", isn't that where we all started? We had a fantasy in our head and we wanted to find out if someone wanted to share it. Like it or not we were all noobs at one point and didn't know a paddle from a pair o' nipple clamps. The fantasy is usually the jumping off point for an interest in all forms of kink, some of the things that really turn me on now I didn't even know existed when I first started to explore.

I have mostly lurked on here for a while, I do not like chat as it is too superficial I prefer thought out responses rather than, I better type quick (I don't). I am not a natural communicator as I am a male, a New Englander, and Scottish).

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).

Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).

Is it not obvious that male subs are nervous about putting themselves out there? The first is look how "submissive" men are portrayed in society, they are certainly not valued and are usually shunned. On top of that how about having your deepest desires dismissed and crushed (and not in the fun way) by the very sub-culture of society that is suppose to understand?

Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.