Well done Sbbe,

This is a great short story with a nice twist in the end.

There are a few spelling errors - complie should be comply and positon should be position.

In this sentence--- OUt,the van door popped open and she rolled over--- I am not sure if you meant to put "Out" or Out -- but it is easily fixed.

Another thing I noticed was a lack of commas. One way to work out if you need a comma is to think about how you would say a sentence out loud. If there is a natural pause in a sentence, that is where you need a comma. I found this simple guide to commas that you might want to have a look at.

http://learnline.cdu.edu.au/studyski...wr_pu_com.html

So, here is how I would use commas in your first paragraph.

"Lucky,” she said, as she shifted, leaning down to grab the silver dollar.
“Unlucky,” he said behind her, yanking her hair harshly and twisting her around to face him.
"No," she gasped, struggling against his body.
"Yes," he said, showing his teeth in a predatorial way. "Your going to pay bitch, I promised you you'd pay and now tonight you will."
"Gram, don't, it's not worth it." She gasped, as he swung her around and marched her toward the waiting van.
"Scream and I'll make you bleed." He meant his words, she knew it, and she forced herself to comply.

This sentence also needs changing -- "Now, she's on her knees?"
should be ---- "Now? She's on her knees?" or even "Now! She's on her knees?"

Overall though, you did a great job, thank you.

Your next task is to write another short story, but this time you are able to use spell and grammar checks and proof readers.

Good luck and I look forward to reading your next piece of writing.