Thank you all for responding and the advice. I have been in therapy for years and have been able to work through certain aspects, I just don't know if I can trust and it seems unfair to possibly find out I'm unable to at another persons expense. I'm aware of my triggers and they no longer control me but I'm terrified of being manipulated and psychologically abused, my body can heal but my mind might not. I worry that my partner may become emotionally invested while I shut down due to fear. I don't think there is any simple solution or perfect answer and therapy does only go so far, I appreciate being able to open up with others who can shed light on any of it.