Male submissives

[thir]

This site also has a place for seeking partners. Here people discuss what they like.

[master baker]

I'm naturally a dom but I have had a hard break up with my last ... long-term relationship where i was her master but now I feel ... lost and after talking to one of my freinds who is a switch we talked about the idea if me being a sub this idea is ... strange to me and I was wondering if their is anyone here that can help me with this i am a fit and healthy 19 year old male willing to try anything once if your intrested please contact me
Thank you for your time
Master .... sub ? ... switch baker ?

[thir]

I'm naturally a dom but I have had a hard break up with my last ... long-term relationship where i was her master but now I feel ... lost and after talking to one of my freinds who is a switch we talked about the idea if me being a sub this idea is ... strange to me and I was wondering if their is anyone here that can help me with this i am a fit and healthy 19 year old male willing to try anything once if your intrested please contact me
Thank you for your time
Master .... sub ? ... switch baker ?

You'd have more chance going to the section where people seek partners.

May I ask why you are not seeking a new sub? Or giving yourself time to get over your relationship? That kind of thing does take time, just as with any other divorce or other bereavement.

[master baker]

It was 3 months ago and I'm not. Geting over it so I thought I would try and explore my submissive side as is something I have never really looked at or explored also its something i can devote my new life to
Matt

[master baker]

aand I'm not really looking for a dom here just someone with experience who can help me just talking mostly tho before I try anything

[thir]

It was 3 months ago and I'm not. Geting over it so I thought I would try and explore my submissive side as is something I have never really looked at or explored also its something i can devote my new life to
Matt

Good hearing.

Good luck with it.

[thir]

aand I'm not really looking for a dom here just someone with experience who can help me just talking mostly tho before I try anything

Ok, I understand. Could you say a little more about what your concerns/curiosities are?

[FaerieLytes]

posting here mostly because i like posting XD

so... i am a submissive female, who during her last longterm relationship was asked to top, weird right? ive always thought of it as something to the effect of "pleasing" my boyfriend at the time by doing as asked, and if that means topping for a night, well sure. but im off topic... anyways, he would never admit to it but he was quite happy being a sub, but only when HE wanted it, now ive seen male submissives, they are an interesting lot really but not that hard to find. it all depends on what kind of sub you want, the younger ones (anywhere from 18-23ish) tend to be more innocent and pliable, whereas the older ones have a set THING in their mind that they want USUALLY , ive met 50 year old innocent male submissives online as well. now keeping on topic, its wrong to call them sex hungry or looking for masturbatory aids SOME are like that but thats as bad as lumping all of us female submissive into the category "mentally unhealthy, probably crazy, slut" ect... there are alot of reasons that one submits, be it because they like it, because it works, or like most lifestylers ive met, because they had something happen to them in the early stages of development that though traumatizing caused them to seek out BDSM therapy(atleast thats what i call it... being in the submissive mind puts all my fears and anxieties to rest)

either way, yes male submissives are rare, not because they are all obnoxious but because half of them dont even know what they want or have no idea about the lifestyle or are afraid to show it because "men" are supposed to be the Dominant ones. like my ex, who now probably craves more than anything to find a Domme as good as i was for him but wont tell anyone because its embarrassing.

[damon]

Whats up

[thamlin]

i am a male sub and i am gay and trying to find a a Male Dom is proving hard anybody have any tips

[small ck sub]

Now I have only been on for a few months now but I been post blog's and forms and talking to a lot of ppl about trying to find a domm id like nothing better then to serve a woman but I gave up after a while on posting because I was getting nothing back

[small ck sub]

Thats sorta what I do now was well. That and its hard to be a full service submissive do to ny profession but online here is the only place I feel safe talkin g about my fanticies and desires because here everyone understands

[subpeter]

I think I might qualify as one of those "silent" male subs. I go into the chat room from time to time but don't last there for very long because I don't really know anyone and the people on there all seem to know each other and have a running dialogue that's very hard to break into. I do browse the forums and participate in the Task Academy (which is a GREAT idea!) but overall have noticed a fairly general lack of response to most places where I have participated. The Tasking Academy is great because It's been near impossible to find a domme who wants to chat because it seems like every time they raise their head they get hounded by a bunch of fake subs (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about).

I haven't migrated to another place because there isn't really another place for me to go and though this hasn't been a perfect fit, it's the best that I've found. The forums are a great resource!

[subpeter]

In my limited experience of 2 years, I have found that most of the male "submissives" are actually fetish bottoms. They don't actually want to "submit" to anything other than their ideal of a female dominant wearing the appropriate fetish costume and, as jeanne pointed out, who follows some kind of scripted fantasy the bottom wants fulfilled. The "dominant" is nothing more than their life-sized blow-up doll....a masturbatory sex object. When these supposedly submissive males are asked what they will do to please their dominants, it's always something like "lick your feet" (foot fetish, anyone?) or "service you orally" (um..yeah...'cause I'm not fucking you after I spit cheese all over you....sorry). This is why pro-doms exist, otherwise known as dominatrices. Pay me a couple hundred dollars, and I'll be glad to put on a blonde wig, corset, and thigh-high boots and let you "worship" my feet. hahahahahahaha

I think that is what makes it especially difficult for a male sub since a lot of "Domme's" expect us to tell them what we want when I believe it should be the other way around! And please, no wig! Your hair is beautiful as is

[Chris the Great]

Oh, wow, this thread has been around for a while! I recognize some of the names from 2008 from other sites!

Well, in response to the OP, here's my story of being a new male subordinate:

My wife and i have been married for 15 years and we've been BDSM lifestylers for several years. We began as a Master/slave relationship complete with a blood-signed contract, and after a year or so we relaxed into a D/s S&M agreement where I was the dominant male. Everything was fine until I began drinking again, and occasionally i became an overly dominant ass when drinking heavily and i lost Her trust. I'm still drinking, but not as heavily. We decided it was time for a change a couple of weeks ago and now i am Her submissive beast and She is my dominant Princess. CLICK HERE FOR MORE OF MY STORY

Regarding the OP's comment of male subs being quiet here on the threads, i don't intend to be.

[arbysworld]

didn't see the actual date of this thread but definitely good reading in here went thru every page ever comment very addictive hehe. I'd say there are many great points made by some members but me being very new to this (bdsm) and this forum I felt a little butt hurt (phun intended) wink* by some of the comments made towards the new members or male subs. some of us new members or new to the life the style need somewhere to start, or need direction. I have learned more here in the last 4 days reading and chatting with a few members than I ever knew in my previous 32 years about what it means to really be a sub and to really give yourself to your dom.

just my .02 cents please don't persecute me for my comments I have no bad intentions for anyone on here. just want to help my cause of making educating my self about BDSM and make some friends here

arby-

[Chris the Great]

We're all still learning regardless of how much experience we have or lack
Don't let anyones poor attitude get to you. Rest assured the admins here won't allow much BS from what i understand.

[98tiller]

On the subject of the male subs having "fantasies", isn't that where we all started? We had a fantasy in our head and we wanted to find out if someone wanted to share it. Like it or not we were all noobs at one point and didn't know a paddle from a pair o' nipple clamps. The fantasy is usually the jumping off point for an interest in all forms of kink, some of the things that really turn me on now I didn't even know existed when I first started to explore.

I have mostly lurked on here for a while, I do not like chat as it is too superficial I prefer thought out responses rather than, I better type quick (I don't). I am not a natural communicator as I am a male, a New Englander, and Scottish).

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).

Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).

Is it not obvious that male subs are nervous about putting themselves out there? The first is look how "submissive" men are portrayed in society, they are certainly not valued and are usually shunned. On top of that how about having your deepest desires dismissed and crushed (and not in the fun way) by the very sub-culture of society that is suppose to understand?

Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.

[LooseLois]

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation)

That's about how I feel. The bdsm is a fantasy life. In real life I am not submissive and have professional job. I guess I created my persona to underline that fantasy element. It also makes it a lot easier for me to be kinky when it's obvious that I'm playing a role. Like an actor, I guess. Not that my profile is untrue. It is pretty true to my kinks and age and gender. But I ain't a fictional cartoon character from a non-existent RI town! But Lois's sassy sexuality is how I'd like to be in real life and there's plenty of kinky piccies of her on the web to attract the occasional male doms I really just want to submit to other's fantasies while making sure they know the hot buttons of what really turns me on, so we both get a thrill from it. It makes a big change from being in the driving seat in real life. That's how I feel.

[Chris the Great]

Lovin the avatar Lois.

We realized that we were each struggling for dominance in our relationship before we even knew about BDSM. For us, the lifestyle is a way to cope with that struggle by clearly defining who is in charge and establishing the responsibilities and expectations of each other. To me dominance and submission is not about kinks, fetishes, etc. Sure, those things are enjoyable, but still separate from D/s. i believe that even vanillas participate in D/s at some level, they just don't know it.

I really like the comment that 98tiller made regarding society's view of male submissives, and media portrayal of males in general adds fuel to the fire. Men are depicted as dumb, fat, and lazy beer drinkers. How many times have you heard, "you can tell who wears the pants in that family"?

[98tiller]

There is no doubt that there are power roles in any relationship, it does not even have to be romantic. Most failed relationships occur when those roles are not fulfilled, one must lead and one must follow. My parents divorced (I was just a wee lad) because they both wanted to be in charge and make all the decisions. I have also seen many relationship die because no one wanted to make a decision, one is spectacular to watch and one just fizzles.

I think where you end up in the discussion we are having is when it moves to be combined with our kinks and fetishes. Many times the roles are reversed from the "outside" world in order to provide that escape from the mundane. I do not disparage people who "live" BDSM as a lifestyle I wish them all the fun and happiness it can provide. I just wish that they didn't put off the vibe that those of us that do not are not really into it. Just look at us as the "National Guard" of kink, a couple of weekends a month and two weeks a year to keep all our kinks up to date and fulfilled.

I agree with Strypi's Beast in that modern culture portrays men as drunks and dullards and then scratches their head (or more correctly other parts) and wonders why men pantomime the roles they see. Unfortunately for young men these days there are very few positive roles portrayed in modern culture and even fewer are based in realistic settings. Behavior has always been taught through first stories, then plays, and now movies and television. If the positive roles are not there then they will mimic the negative ones provided.

Alright now lets look for the off ramp from this tangent so we can back to the subject. Whose's lining up to tie me up and spank my ass..

[thir]

I have gone to couple of munches locally and tried to do the club thing, unfortunately the people seemed very cliquish and unless you "lived" the lifestyle they didn't have time for you. I am not going to "live" my fantasy life, then it is not an escape but rather a replacement for the stresses I already have. I use my bdsm fantasies (ohhhh the evil word) to escape the stress of my day to day life. I truly feel this is what most people feel and at times some of the people you meet in this lifestyle give off the vibe that if you aren't willing to move across country, sign a contract and let me shit in your mouth every mourning then your not really a sub (I am aware that is a completely different conversation).

The Dommes asking "what will you do to please me?" I don't know cut off my arm? At that point they too have a fantasy and are hoping that the sub will guess it correctly( yes dommes have fantasies too).

I think you may find that one reason some dommes ask this (me, for instance, I am a domme/switch) is that for some unaccountable reason in many places there seem to be quite a number of male subs for every domme. You tend to get contacted a lot by people who are eager to tell you in great detail what you should do to them, while what you (or at least I) want is a relationship, or at least a play partner. In other words, something mutual. I am not a service organ, but get approached as if I were, rather than a human being with own interests. Thus, the expression 'what will you do to please me' is often a way to weed out people who haven't given the idea of what the partner might want a second thought.

Secondly, BDSM are so many things, from care free play to dead serious submission, and again, the expression 'what will you do for me' is appropriate and useful if what you want is dominance and a sub who wants to serve.

Of course people have fetishes and want there Dommes to be in "costume" if it was not pleasing to them why would they pursue it? Plus in my opinion a Domme who does not present themselves well does not have the self respect to demand respect from someone else ( that is totally just me).

There is no 'of course' in BDSM, we are a much too diverse bunch of individuals for that. So no, not everybody want a domme in costume, some do not have this fetich, others are more interested in the personality of the person than the outfit, and for some, who may want a more life-style kind of relationship, it is not relevant, at least not on a daily basis.

As for me, my self-respect is not depending on costume or no costume ;-)
We had a saying where I come from, that if you could not dominate someone either naked or in daily clothes, you should hang up your whips ;-)

Truthfully I think the Dommes should try to reach out to the male subs, you wanted the power well it comes with some responsibility. Some of these subs will be thrill seekers, some just curious and willing to explore, and some will be serious about the lifestyle. I my opinion it is the responsibility of those at the top to guide those that are new to the lifestyle.

Reach out! You have to be kidding, we are being flooded as it is!
As for the rest, I think you will find that on this site people do try to share experiences and help each other as best we can.

[98tiller]

I can understand you ideas behind the "what will you do" question is valid, from my own experience and personality is it doesn't even cross my mind to not please my partner. That goes for either vanilla or kink play.

My "of course" was not referring to BDSM, but rather to human nature in general in that we seek out what pleases us. The self respect was alluding to the fact that some Dommes (fortunately a minority) do not put the effort into being worthy of respect but rather demanding respect just because someone identifies as sub. Just as we have identified some who identify as sub for perceived easy sex so the same is true for the other side of the coin. This does not have to do with body weight, measurements etc... this is about the air in which they carry themselves and how they interact with the world around them.

Your saying is very apt someone who has a Domme's personality would give off and air or respect no matter the "costume" or situation, I fully it agree that that comes from the core of their being and not from any clothing.

When reaching out I was addressing the original statement of the lack of male subs and the resulting comment of the lack of communication from the ones who do show up. I was not implying that you should be a latex clad tour guide and school teacher (if you want to, I am game )

I have seen much in the way of good advice and guidance on this forum and it is a wonderful thing to find when you are exploring new feelings that are shunned in public.

I hope you did not see my comments as being negative towards anyone, I was just offering my opinion of what I saw when I first started to explore this lifestyle.

I have a saying too, "opinions are like a$$h0l3s, everyone has one and they all stink".

[98tiller]

And yes, I do need a proof reader/editor, all interested persons apply within.

[dwarfeedick(sub F/m)]

Hi , I'm relatively new here- I truly believe the female is superior to the male in so many ways. I don't want to demand anything- what the Dommes says goes- All subs have certain needs too and a good Domme is able to meet those needs without the sub topping from the bottom- important to build a good relationship before truly committing- this way each knows the other and can be satified- It is always important to meet the needs of the Domme as a priority, because they ARE the Dominant and it should be all about them. Submissives are able to satify the Domme much more when their having a need met, whether through humiliation which is my major key to subspace or whatever. May 2005 is my joining date but I have participated little till now.

[hellman]

well again i'm a new sub malehere and would like to say all the people her are great well most but you know you can not get on with them all like most have said befor me the chat room is a hard place to get in to some time and i for one find it hard to keep up as i'm a one finger trper and can not spell well so by the time i do post in there the chat has moved on or the one i'm chatting to goes but that said i do my best but i have seen and read alot of the sub males com on and if that they are looking for is not sat there waiting they go off but that my just be seeing thing but the is more to do with RL as this time most people just wont it all now now now but is they just slowed down and look a ruold they will see how lovely kinky it all looks and feels people forget that finding some one should be as fun as meeting them and i'm the tip of sub that just love of what is next what will my lady wont next that not know is so good and hard as i dont like not know thing i my of gone of the traks there ok back to my point if you stop looking and have fun you will find the one for you this is not a 100 meter run it is a nice walk in the park that you just got and dont know so look at it all

thank you reading this hope you get what i mean and i think some of the long timers should think about slowing some times it is fun just to walk