Quote Originally Posted by BlasphemousRumours View Post
We've discussed that I'm turned on by the thought of it and would really like to try it out. He doesn't seem to get what it actually means or what to do. He seems to wave the idea off because he thinks a little rough handling is all I need or want but it isn't. Sure hair pulling, biting, smacks, and such are great but that's not enough for me. I like pain along with pleasure. It's very frustrating to me to continually be denied this. I love sex and I'm very sexual but I always seem to feel like there should be something more. It's not enough for me to go at it normally or even to have what he considers rough sex.

Does the 'not getting it' part mean that you are not explicit in telling him what you want? If he is a vanilla and hasn't hard anything about bdsm before, a lot of loving and explicit explanation is called for. Do you think you have had enough talks about this? To him it must be a baffling new idea, and maybe even scary.

Secondly, have you asked him what he would like? Does the thought of giving pain excite him, or turn him off, or scare him, or does it leave him indifferent?

Love and sex are supposed to be mutually satisfactory, and while loving people can do something for their love that isn't directly in their own line of interest, there is also a limit somewhere where it starts feeling wrong, and such limits should be respected.

All I can say it talk again - communcation is the bridge - and find out what his wants are too. Maybe suggest one thing to do with pain and try to ask him if he can do that, and if he can, do not be impatient if he is not rough enough from the start. Just getting started is the thing, then make it harder bit by bit, and bit by bit taking other things on.

If he finds he does not want to or cannot, you just have to respect that, as i see it. After all, we all have our limits as well as our wants.