Frustrated

[kathy350]

I really don't know how to go about saying this but I will try. I have noticed that most people on the forum are quite young and new to this lifestyle. I am not young lol and not new to it, and I am getting so frustrated with everything.

The first thing is I cannot have any kind of vanilla relationship it turns me completely off. I have tried this kind of relationship and it just made me depressed and miserable. I have had a couple of really good BDSM relationships in the past.

Secondly I have in the past few months been meeting guys who are Dom or say they are. Most of the time they have been fakes but one or two have been the real thing. The thing is that they are either married or attached to someone who is only into vanilla. So I am just stuck in these casual kind of things. One guy I see is not attached but he does have several other subs. The time I spend with him is fantastic and I have found out a lot of things about myself.

The thing that frustrates me here is that I want something more than just the odd casual meet. I want to meet someone that I can develope with and find out my true limits but I need to have trust to do that. Lately I have been taking stupid risks meeting guys I hardly know. I just crave to be completely dominated and controlled.

[skittish doe]

Hello kathy~
Welcome to the forums.
I know it is hard to exercise patience, but please do not jeopardize your personal safety. It would take far more patience (and work) than you might imagine, for you to recover from a tragedy in the hospital or rehab environment – if you are even able to do so. Please take up vigilance in the area of self protection.

The lovely vicmal96 recently posted a link to a thread you might find helpful:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...l=1#post905867
If you are open to further advice, I would suggest you read several articles and apply the (particularly safety) tips. Please, cease with the “stupid risks” you admit you are engaging in and ask yourself some pertinent questions as to why you would do such.

Welcome to the site, I hope you find it a useful resource. I wish you well on your journey.

[prometheus]

Kathy,

Doe is absolutely right when she says you shouldn't jepordise your personal safety. I have spoken to several of the sub's here who have ended up very hurt after abusive relationships with so called Dom's. I am aware that abuse can happen in any relationship, but putting yourself in harms way with people you barely know is a terrible risk. If someone starts hurting you you have the option to fight back or run, if you are bound and gagged, or sensorarily deprived those options are not open to you...

If you are considering meeting anyone that you do not know well, you should set up a "safe call" or preferably two with a trusted friend. You should have gathered as much information on the person as possible, and have that information written down in a safe place, so that your friend can find it in the event you fail to call in. You should, in my opinion have been on at least a couple of "dates" with the person you are planning to play with, in a public area, so you can get to know them and discuss limits, likes and stuff before you arrange a play date.

No self respecting Dom would ever put you down for doing this, and would likely be pleased that you are taking such precautions. Remember Safe, Sane and Consentual...

If you require information on how to set up safe calls or any of the other stuff, please ask, and not just me, ask around and get lots of opinions, and like Doe says read the articles on here, and on other sites.

Hope this helps

Prom