*hugs* Jules, i am so glad that you have this!
My experience with real life is a little different but no less significant.
I met someone who I have absolute trust in. I respct him and he makes me laugh.
But he is a switch...well...more submissive than switch.
I had a choice to let go of the chance to play RL with someone who will give me amazing experiences but will never really be my Dom or Master or stay purely OL.
I took the plunge.
We play together about once every 6 weeks or so. Between both of our schedules, time is at a premium.

So, I learned to switch. We switch with each other. I love when he plays rough. Or when he canes me and I want to cry but he says something that makes me laugh or giggle and then He pushes my head into the matress.
But I learned that I also enjoy it when the welts appear on his bum from my caning or when he groans because of the bite of the flogger.

We have very strong limits in place and I never doubt that it is part of why it works for us.

He also doesn't 'do' the mindgames that would be expected of a D/s relationship and I dont expect it from him.

He is a good Top and bottom for me
As I try to be for him.

I wont leave OL completely. I need the power exchange. But the pysical part of it is well in hand.

Perhaps not ideal for many people, but it works very well for us.