Hello ilcorbelliere. What I picked up from your post is 'I think she doesn't appreciate it very much'. In my opinion the most important tool anyone can have in there BDSM toy box, over and above any rope, paddle or vibrator, is communication. Until you have learnt how to use this one to its full potential you are not really ready to move on.

What are her fantasies? What thoughts does she masturbate to? What are the highlights for her of your sexual relationship so far? Find a relaxed tender and caring occasion when you are talking freely, possibly post sex (yes I know that means you will have to stay awake) and ask her. And listen, not with a mind as to how you can twist them to take on a BDSM linked kink, but with a mind as to how you can fulfil HER fantasies for her. This is probably a time when it is worth using the feedback technique to show that you really are listening, and to make sure you have heard properly. e.g. "So you fantasise about having sex on the beach when no-one is around.." This is not the time to share yours with her. That comes much later.

Having discovered what her fantasies are do what you can to fulfil them. Again NOT with a BDSM twist, unless she put it in there. If that sounds like hard work, then welcome to the world of BDSM. Vanilla sex is easy, all you need is the appropriate bodily parts and it can happen. BDSM is involves preparation and the use of your mind and imagination, particularly if you are the Dom.

But here is a clever bit.... when you are planning and giving her the time of her life, you are in charge. You are in the dominant position - mentally, if not physically. And if she has a submissive streak in her she will love it. She will absorb all that you are doing for her, which will include the experience of you topping her. If it goes no further you will both have a wonderful time; her because you are playing her fantasies and you because you would not be human not to be excited by the woman you love reveling in sexual excitement.

How do you move onto more obvious BDSM play? Well the first thing is it takes time and lots more communication. This is not "I gave you what you wanted last week to now it is my turn to tie you up". Think months of serving her fantasies. Did you realise that the Dom is the ultimate servant of any BDSM relationship?

By that point you will have discovered what really makes her tick, and she will probably have discovered a lot about herself too. You will also probably be seen by her as God's gift to womankind. So push her fantasies a little further, tease her a little bit longer than she can normally stand, look her very firmly in the eye and tell her she is not have an orgasm until you say... Don’t push it too far too quickly though. When she is used to you doing that, perhaps another time you could say something along the lines of now I want you to position yourself like just like this, and whatever happens you are not to move your hands or feet from just there. Yes, you have her in bondage, although she is tied by your wishes rather than by ropes. Having experienced that it is then only a baby step to using a rope.

I am sure you get the idea. BUT throughout all of that COMMUNICATE. After each time explore what she enjoyed (repeat, maybe with a little more), felt nervous about (possibly repeat, although stepping down the intensity), and did not like (don't repeat). Do that and she will think you are incredible, will probably tell all her friends about this great man she has married who actually listens to her, however good your marriage is now it will be that much better and more solid and you just never know where it may lead. She will also trust you, so that perhaps after 6 months or so when the opportunity is right to share some of your fantasies, and you ask her if there is anything in them which she can play along with she will feel safe to do so.

Wishing you a wonderful life with your beautiful wife

cariad