Mine is the exact opposite to some degree and the same in the other. i have a hard time as well letting myself be out there and as it is vulnerable. Even with the right person...for me i give it all which means when i get hurt i get badly hurt. Where you feel you are loud and silly...i'm shy and if i connect with that person even if they aren't aware of it i almost shut down and my brain freezes. Guessing, just a guess mind you, it's partially nerves, for me fear of being hurt again. But i need this and i hope that eventually i will find that one Domme that will see in me all the potential i can be with the right guidance. Not sure if this helps any...like you i think what i'm trying to express gets "mangled" between the head and the fingers lol...i hope in some way you know that no your not alone even if the reasons behind what we do is different...