Hi, kwdsslave.

Hmmm...i can remember a time when i also had an aversion to touching myself. From the age when i first began masturbating, probably until i was close to 30, i rarely touched myself. i always masturbated using some sort of object to do the touching. i eventually overcame that aversion in the shower, while i was washing (not masturbating). Once i could wash, very intimately, without using a cloth, or feeling even a twinge of aversion, it was easier to move on toward sexual play.

i might suggest that if you try this, at first you not set a goal of orgasm. Perhaps instead just get to know your own body, and become comfortable with touching yourself.