Romanticising BDSM Relationships

[BDSM_Tourguide]

I don't often find things about this lifestyle that just crawl under my skin and stay there, but every now and then I find one or two things I just cannot swallow, no matter how hard I try. One such thing is the overt romanticising of bdsm relationships.

What do I mean by this? Well, several things really. I'll list them in no specific order.

Titles: Why are people in BDSM so focused on titles? Are we really so insecure as to HAVE to be called Master or Sir all the time? I understand that it is probably a sign of discipline and control that we have our submissives call us by our suggested title, but do we have to be so fixated on them that we require EVERY submissive to call us Sir? or Master? Do people feel the need to exert their will over every submissive everywhere? or is it, perhaps, just a matter of ego?

Other Titles: How many of us have been to chat rooms and seen submissives call their doms or masters "My Lord" or "Milord" or some other equally outdated term? Thoes terms were reserved for peasants in the dark ages referring to their King, Duke, or other leader/landowner. The last I noticed, we moved out of the Dark Ages and into a more "civilized" time. If you believe that sort of thing. We no longer have a King, we don't have Dukes, we have landlords and landowners, but I don't think we call them Lords anymore. So, knock it off, will you?

Bows and Curtsies: Since I already know I'm going to piss off people with this one, I will just go ahead and get it out of the way quickly. Bowing and curtseying were used by noblemen and women during formal dances. The man bowed to the woman and the woman curtseyed to the man at the beginning and end of a dance. The only other time I am aware of the use of bows and curtsies are when a host or hostess greeted his or her guests at the doorway. As far as I am aware, neither a bow nor a curtsey has any inkling of a place in BDSM. It's something someone made up in a chat room once that they thought looked good. Yay! Go internet. Gotta love it.

Gifts and Essences: Okay, here goes the biggie. I better just crack my knuckles, start typing and get my piece said. The screaming will commence later, I'm sure. I'm sure that novelists have many romantic fantasies about domination and submission. They're great to read. Personally, I have read many books about the subject and find them entertaining. Fictitious, but entertaining.
I don't think submission and dominance are gifts given to people. By the definition a gift is something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation. I don't know how everyone else feels about their relationships, but I personally would like some acknowledgement of what I am contributing to my relationship. I'm sure my partner would, too. The truth is: Relationships, by their very nature, are contractual agreements between two people. It doesn't matter if you're in a vanilla relationship, a marriage, or a BDSM relationship, you enter into a contract, a mutually beneficial exchange between two parties where compensations is expected. The fact of the matter is that you're not getting gifts, you're in a relationship. It is what it is, there's no need to sugar-coat it.
I have also seen many submissives say that "eveything they are is because of their master." I find sentences like these to be disturbing to the point of psychotic megalomania. Your master is not god. He did not create you. He did not breathe life into your body. He did not provide light from the universe. He is not responsible for the dispensation of your cosmic essence. He is also not responsible for whether you live or die. He cannot bring about the end of your existence. And he cannot tell you forget about being human.
The sheer enormity of the ego from the dominant and the lack of self-respect from the submissive in statements like these are disturbing. To say that someone is responsible for everything you are shows such a lack of self-respect that I would be concerned for anyone's well-being that said them. If I had a friend that said that, I would be concerned they were going to go home and commit suicide.
Remember, submissives out there, you are people, not puppies, not doormats, not substandard creatures. Have a little backbone and act like people. You're not in some fantasy, storybook relationship, you're in a real-life relationship with real people. This is not Counter-Earth. This is not the Island of Eden. This is real life.
And to you dominants out there reading this, take it to heart. For, one day that "little one" is going to figure out what the real world is like. "This girl" is going to realize you don't own a tarn, you can't make ka-la-na wine, and paga is beer. Treat her with respect, show her you love her and care for her, unless you really don't and don't have that kind of relationship, and finally give back to her as much as she gives to you. Give more. She'll like it, I promise.