Inner Conflict

[sassykitten]

I read up, and if this has already been asked, I missed it.

Part of the reason that I was so very stunned when I realized that I am a sub, is because in my normal life I am a very dominant person. I must control every aspect of my life. If ever someone challenges that control, there would be hell to pay. I am wholly unwilling to relinquish that control to anybody, ever.

Yet, I recently discovered that I have a deep longing to give myself completely to someone, to totally submit and relinquish that control. I feel I want that control to permeate all corners of my life to at least some degree. But I want to be able to do this without having to give up my dominant role in the world.

Are there others who seem to have this inner conflict? How do you reconcile the two vastly different sides of yourself? Is it possible to retain that side of yourself, and still be completely His (when you find your Dom)?

Another question. I am currently in a relationship that is developing, we have not yet been intimate beyond what can be accomplished over the internet. He seems willing to test the waters of this with me, but I have concerns. I'm worried that, because He is not Dom by nature that He will never truly be able to fulfill that role the way I so need him to.