On Fantasy vs. Stark Reality



Nearly a lifetime spent fantasizing, without actually experiencing some kind of event powered S&M motivations, seemed inane at best. Life was, after all, too short not to experience the thing for real. Time was long overdue for some kind of entrance into the actual BDSM lifestyle.


Intrepidly, not just one but several “munches” were attended. Munches, so named by their founder as a sort of social safety net that would not imply participation by the merely curious, appeared to be a welcomed introduction to the lifestyle.

Sadly, a string of disappointments from these events proved consistent. The more experienced at these conclaves proved to offer much less than anticipated. Cottage cheese thighs, beer bellies, love handles, et al… No amount of preparation could have cushioned the fall from dreamland to real life. Each munch, and there were some that took the extra step into actual BDSM lifestyle play, were mainly attended by social outcasts ofone stripe or another.

Now, facile thinking dictates that this critical observation comes from a novice-one not committed to sado-masochism, way superficial, an outcast himself, or just too“vanilla”(another term loftily used by the community in question to describe those with more mainstream thinking). But then there's the ‘lifetime’ bit of this same would-be lifestyle novice. A lifetime that also includes literature, an extensive intimate relationship with a like-minded feminine beauty, writing, day dreaming, communicating on the subject, etc. This sort of background would seem to indicate more cause than just the easy 'vanilla' answer.

Not since the last volume of health officials’ DVSM was written and printed has there been such a parade of hefty misfits. Take the only-skin-deep issue of body weight. Closely monitoring things like diet, food intake, daily exercise, notice of appearance and the previously held secret notion of sexual kinyness kept this mature male fit-all notions apparently not considered significant by lifestyle BDSM’ers. Munches were largely, and here LARGELY is the operative word, by the overweight, those with considerable paunchiness, the morbidly obese, those who consider the bending of an elbow or the raising of an oven mitt exercise enough; and those for whom food, any kind of food intake, is more akin to tanking up than nourishing oneself. Okay, even the aforementioned ‘beauty’ has remarked that her sex tends to carry weight in specific areas just as males do, but really! Where is the self-respect? Or, the respect for others? Of course the argument could be made that I was mistaken to attend expecting others to also be in shape and wrong for making superficial, snap judgments of others, and so forth...

If daily exercise for you happens, for whatever reason, to not be a personal preference do keep in mind the obvious. It does take some discipline to keep to a routine and it’s not all that easy, but the results do make it all worthwhile. Whatever habits you choose, just don’t mindlessly lump into the ranks of the pudgy, however kinky you or they may seem to be.

Talking in such social settings, forbid that conversations go anywhere further, is much like conversing with a dullard, dunce, geek or seeing a dim light at the far end of a very, very narrow tunnel. Pain? Yes it IS needed at these events. If for no other reason than just to pinch one’s self in order to keep from nodding off during yet another BDSM discourse. Again, this is not coming from some elitist posing as this century’s answer to Einstein; but at least a notion of childishly dumb egocentricity fled in the pre-teen years.

Naturally, or un-naturally if you will, only bigotry would take this smallish sampling of lifestylers and rule out any stimulating practitioners of BDSM/S&M/D/s existing anywhere else in the world. One does know better than to commit such folly (Apologies if you happen to be one of those stimulating few).

But should you likewise be curious and seek to realize a life-long fantasy life, be forewarned. It should come as no great surprise that what happens in real life frequently falls way short of desires your head and body may hold. Be prepared to significantly lower your bar of expectations. Keep in mind the notion that when pride flees hope sometimes remains. The faint glimmer that reality might somehow, someday come close to matching fantasy becomes not all that much of a dream..
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