Questions on collars

[isabeau6]

isabeau, we are in somewhat similar situations....Sir decided very recently that he wanted to collar me, and I of course accepted. For now it's a collar of consideration (yes, it's kinda an old guard thing), which will change to a permanent collar once we're able to be together permanently. Neither of us wishes to rush things, and we both understand that the physical distance between us is going to make things exceedingly difficult at times.
But anyway, what I wanted to tell you before I went off on the tangent was that I have upset people too lately. I've been what I would consider lightly involved with a few other Doms since meeting my Sir. All of that ended with my collar. And more than one is quite upset with me because of it. My intention was never to lead them on or anything of the sort, but I am now officially off the market so to speak, and they're not happy about it, or so it seems. You, like me, know what you feel is best for you, and that is to entrust yourself to another.
I'm like you, I can see how people may be judgemental and say "it's too soon" or whatever else, but don't sweat it. I'm not. I know how I feel, and I know where I want to be...in His arms and under His guidance.
So congratulations to both of you, and best wishes for a happy, successful future.
Hugs,
medic

Also, thank you to everyone again that has posted regarding my questions about collars. My long conversations with my Sir and the help I received here are what gave me the confidence to accept His collar as the right decision for both of us. So thanks again....

ah good luck medic...and yes we are alike..pm me anytime...i would consider ID to be very lucky to have collared you...xoxo

[jeanne]

Congratulations, Rabbit and isabeau!

[angelic.zest]

Congratulations, Rabbit and isabeau!

[Ozme52]

good luck

[isabeau6]

thank you guys...i feel truly lucky and blessed..

[Tasker]

Good luck ID and medic. May the future hold as much happiness as it has for myself and cb

[_ID_]

She is my opposite. I look forward to leaving many happy bruises on her back side.

The collar of consideration is simply that. It allows us to explore the idea of the collar, and let the idea settle in our heads, without that complete commitment that comes with a permanent collar. She and I are of the same goal, in that we would like a permanent collar someday in the future as a couple. Neither of us wants to rush into something, and have it been done for the wrong reasons.

Thanks Tasker for your warm wishes.

[pixie_dust]

Just wanting to offer soft hugs and warm wishes to all of you, ID/medic and Rabbit1/isabeau. May all of your dreams and wishes be realized.

p.s. So long as you are happy with the yours, the rest of the world doesn't exist, IMHO.

[isabeau6]

Just wanting to offer soft hugs and warm wishes to all of you, ID/medic and Rabbit1/isabeau. May all of your dreams and wishes be realized.

p.s. So long as you are happy with the yours, the rest of the world doesn't exist, IMHO.

thank you pixie dust....what i've found out is Rabbit1 is real..he has been a Dom for 25 years..he is compassionate, caring, loving, dominant, and intelligent..i feel as if i've known him for years..and that we were created for each other...he feels the same way...sure it was a bit hasty, but i knew what i was looking for..as did he...and i know that ID is also real, i can tell by what he said up above.. Rabbit1 protects me, cherishes me..and never exploits me...the perfect Dom for me..

thank you pixie..and i might add i love your avatar and your screen name...

[_ID_]

Thanks pixie and isabeau, thats very kind of you.

The change in relationship between medic and I has been in development since having said hello to each other nearly 8 months ago here on the library. The embers of this relationship are developing in such a way I hope they ignite a firestorm of passion and love as time moves on.

One can only hope.

[isabeau6]

Thanks pixie and isabeau, thats very kind of you.

The change in relationship between medic and I has been in development since having said hello to each other nearly 8 months ago here on the library. The embers of this relationship are developing in such a way I hope they ignite a firestorm of passion and love as time moves on.

One can only hope.

i love that sentiment...i hope that for you both also...

it's happened for me now..the passion and love i feel for Rabbit1 grows everyday...time will tell what will happen..as you said..one can only hope..without hope, why live..

[jeanne]

Bump.

Having just read through this thread for the first time in a while...I think it would be nice to hear from members who have joined since, as well as those who may not have had anything to add previously, but do now.

Please share!

[Midnite]

First off let me start off by saying that although Laura Ann and myself are just getting started in our relationship as Dom/sub, I consider her my most precious possession, and I would never do anything to break her trust or intentionally hurt her more than she is capable of taking, I do consider a collar a much greater commitment than a wedding ring, with a wedding ring all she is promising is to love, and obey, with a collar I am asking her to trust me explicitly for her entire well-being, I do hope that one day I am able to give her a wedding ring, and a collar, if things work out for us. Although she will have a nice red butt on the night of our wedding, and the night that I collar her.

[submissivemark]

I just read through most of this thread, (not all of it, as I got enough of the general gist to be able to respond), & here's things from my perspective:

Ok, the Wikipedia reference is somewhat helpful, but at the same time far too limiting. As stated here by so many, the terms & the collar, (or lack thereof), are up to each individual couple, not some "Old Guard", (more on that in a minute), beliefs, or any other arbitrarily decided belief.

I have read much on the "Old Guard", which seems to have sprang into existence shortly after WWII, with gay servicemen that cherished the structure of the military & incorporated that into their own S&M leanings. Nothing wrong with that, but that DOESN'T mean their rituals & traditions are set in stone & are the only way to live a BDSM based life. If that were true, then Gor couldn't exist, (if it ever really did outside of some poorly written novels & the minds of some geeks, ok, sorry, cheap shot I know ), as there is no female submission in the "Old Guard", it being based on the gay male leather community that formed after WWII. The "Old Guard" ideals, rituals & protocol can be useful to an extent, but it isn't nor should it be the "be all & end all" of BDSM.

BDSM is what each couple makes of it, nothing more or less. A couple that plays at it as "kinky fun" on the occasional weekend is just as committed to it in their minds & hearts as a couple that lives it 24/7 with one person having to ask the other for permission to do everything besides breathing, (although asking for permission to speak requires speaking itself, so that's kinda self-negating to it's intended purpose, but again I digress on the side of smartassed commentary, my apology again for that).

Now for the "sub/slave" argument that continues to take up so much time in the lifestyle, (given the amount of energy spent debating it everywhere). Again such terms & the parameters & limits under each term is up to the participants. My Wife & I both abhor the term "slave", & all of it's many negative connotations, thus we use "submissive" to refer to what I am in our marriage. However, even though my opinions, input, advice & voice in general is wanted & needed in our narriage, Her word is law, & Her decision is final, which is how we both want it. She is the HOH, & what rights I do have, (& yes I do have them), are granted by Her. To some that would make me a slave, to us it makes me submissive, & an obedient individual, which is what we both wanted.

Now for collars. I do feel they are a powerful symbol of a D/s commitment, & I wear a simple white gold chain placed around my neck by Her as such a symbol, same as with my wedding ring, but it is still JUST a symbol. Very meaningful to us both yes, but it's what's in my heart that matters.

Finally, remember this: While structure based on rules is of paramount importance in establishing & maintaining a D/s based relationship, rituals, symbols & protocol are merely a part of said structure, not the structure itself, & need to be considered as such, nothing more or less.

[JonMaddux]

My wife has a few collars. Daycollar has some that are collars but dont really let most people know they are collars. As with everyone else i think its meaning is how you define it. To me my wife's collar is a symbol of not just her being my wife but by wearing it she says to me that she is happy to be my submissive. She is choosing to give herself to me. I treat her like a precious treasure but i will admit i consider her my property. In all fairness she is allowed to consider me her property also in that we are monogamous and we literally belong to each other. We figured in order for one to "belong" to the other there has to be an air of property right. That doesnt mean i dictate her every move or treat her as less than human. It means for us that one is owned by the other and cannot be had by anyone else, much like your house is your house and people arent allowed to squat there.
She doesnt always wear her collar, its usually reserved for special days when she wants something subtle to scream, "I'm yours, i serve you!" This works better for us because it makes her wearing it even more significant. Something used often will occasionally become meaningless, sometimes when something is reserved and savored it is held more meaningfully. Only the two of you can really define what that means between you.