BDSM play can be emotionally and physically exhausting. The adrenaline and endorphins released create a powerful experience. It's essential to be careful throughout play, but it's just as important to tend to each other after play is ended.

Aftercare, as defined by our very own Aesop:

Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.

(Subdrop, as defined by Wikipedia: A physical condition, often with cold- or flu-like symptoms, experienced by a submissive after an intense session of BDSM play. This can last for as long as a week, and is best prevented by aftercare immediately after the session.)

Following play, subs require special attention to deal with these emotional and physical effects. Doms also need to be careful to return to their normal state of mind, too. Because BDSM involves a power exchange and some very strong emotions, both parties need to be take the time to wind down.

Emotionally: Proper aftercare allows the sub to return to their normal state of mind. Verbal reassurances and cuddling are a good start.

Physically: Tend to any marks or wounds that may have occurred. After extended play, nourishment and water are very important.

Wikipedia offers aftercare as an acronym, describing the various aspects of aftercare:

A is for Attentiveness: Attend to the needs of a sub, both physically and mentally. Try to figure out in advance what you'll need, so it's readily available.

F is for Fortify: Fortify the body's needs. Keep hydrated. Make sure to take into consideration any medical conditions. Take time to clean up and rest after play.

T is for Transition: BDSM involves a power exchange. It's important to learn how to refocus after play, shifting mental gears back to "normal". Proper aftercare allows a sub to feel safe and secure.

E is for Express: Express appreciation for a sub (or a Dom) and the effort that went into play. Talk about the connections you've made, the way you care about each other because of them.

R is for Recovery: Take the time to fully recover from a scene, be it emotionally or physically. Depending on the intensity of play, this can take some time.

C is for Communicate: Communication is the most essential aspect of BDSM. Being supportive, listening to each other after play helps each person return to a normal state of mind.

A is for Analyze: Assess any immediate needs, both physical and emotional. Don't dive into a massive analysis of the scene right away, but look at what worked, what didn't, and the effects of the scene.

R is for Reflect: Was the scene successful? Did both parties enjoy it? Is it worth repeating? Would different equipment or precautions be necessary for similar play in the future?

E is for Explore: What worked? What didn't? Where would you like to go with this in the future?


Aftercare isn't just a quick cuddle and a peck on the cheek or pat on the head. It's not just a couple minutes of cuddling. It requires thought, on the part of all involved, and shouldn't be rushed.


Very useful site: http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/B.../aftercare.htm