my whole life i've been withdrawn and watching people. i watch them, like guys watch a football game or what not. When i was young young, before i can remember, my sister lived with us and i'm sure some part of me knew that something was up (my sister was abused and beaten until she moved out). my guess is that's what started my urges to make everyone around me happy. If mother is happy then she wont hurt me. That was the little kids thinking.

Then i went to high school, and met a girl who told me about her Dom. And that's when i fell into the deep end of the pool and been more or less paddling around it ever sense. Every now and then i go to the shallow end and with draw from everything. but lately i just get deeper and deeper and deeper. That's how i learned.

~j~